Mobile phone’s, Pc’s, the Internet Imagine what life would of been like If we had this stuff around when I was younger..

I was thinking the other day how we take these things for granted nowadays…..

Now if im honest I could live quite easily without a mobile phone, I hardly ever use mine and when i do want to take it out with me, usually when im driving It needs charging up,Turning on and then usually bleeps at me for ten mins with lots of texts and missed calls coming through… this happens on average about once a week.  I use a pay and go phone now for the pure reason i dont use it often enough to warrant paying a monthly contract bill nowadays…… i put about £10 once every 6 months or so and haven’t  never run out of credit in nearly two years.

see what I mean I hardly use it…

Now this wasn’t always the case… when i got my first mobile phone it was a very basic nokia. you made calls from it.

and not much else…….  funny thing is I only knew three other people who had mobile phones.. I paid I think £100 for it and was on contract with orange….

this was a huge bill coming in every month as i was using it all the time for talking total bollox if im honest lol.

As newer models came out I upgraded again paying a stupid amount for each phon. I changed network and went onto 121  and had a little phone well it was little at the time… now the problem was the reception in certain areas was rather dodgy to say the least.. in fact i couldn’t get a signal in my house at the time.  I had to go out in the garden to get any sort of signal at all.   Then the pay and go phones came out… yes i wasn’t paying a bill for something I couldn’t use 50% of the time…. I was interested in a car I had seen for sale and the person had left an email address… email whats that… how did i get one….

I went to buy a pc just to get my own email address… and the guy in the shop said about these new pay and go trium geo mobile phones… they had wap access to the Internet you could use them for sending emails as well as limited access to the Internet… WOW  sounded great… plus it only cost £70 and with that i got free weekend calls, a ten pound top up voucher and a £50 cash back voucher after having the phone for three months… and if i registered the phone I would also get £10 top up added to the credit so basically it was costing me (nothing)  i bought one striaght away… I never did get round to sending the email about the car as i had changed my mind about it…

I also found out that I had free wap internet access on this phone at the weekend as well as calls to landlines.  this was great.. i started to become an Internet addict from Friday at midnight to Sunday night… ok the internet was limited… the display on the phone only showed text but it was great… i became a surfer and google became my friend.  while surfing the net i found an offer for a trium mars direct from bt cellnet which was offering free unlimited internet access and unlimited texts  I had to have one….. I ordered it and off I went… i was making full use of the free texts i could hammer them out in seconds… i must of sent hundreds a day to people.  i even managed to get a lot of friends sim cards with the same unlimited wap/texts offer. so for £10 top up  a month we all had free texts and free internet. I could speed text without looking… my phone never left my side… it even came to bed with me. when i wasnt texting i was surfing…. i would look up anything and everything….. I actually wore out 6 mobile phone’s  keeping my sim card… then horror bt cellnet became o2  and they started restricting the texts to 600 a month   600 a month i was sending 600 a day to various friends.. but I still had free wap access.  I found some online sites that you could send free texts from so used that as well….   eventually the wap access was limited as well… by this time i was getting bored with it anyway… new phones were coming out all the time.. I got to the point where i had one just for calls again…   the one person i was texting the most i was now living with so it didnt matter much any more to text..

Allan  then got a phone on contract…. every year when he got his upgrade i would just get his phone unlocked (he was and still is with T mobile) I didnt see the point in me buying  a new phone…….. I hated the motorola phones so when he got the v600 I didnt even bother using it. well i did but only for the camera …  I know have a nokia N95 and yep you guessed it… as i started off saying never use it unless im out driving somewhere. i dont even bother taking it with me for the school run.

this brings me to the internet… The first time I went on a pc was at the library. One of my older kids had been given some homework and it needed some research.  I went to the library in search of some books and the librarian told me i could book the pc for an hour and google it..   ok i had experience of wap so thought fine.. she showed me how to work it and open a browser etc and i was off… i had the info i needed and printed off in less then half an hour..

after that i became a regular library goer just to use the internet  again google was my friend only this time i saw the whole picture..

When Allan and I got our house together we bought an old pc off a friend… I was on a quest to learn how to use everything about pc’s how to do all sorts of things.. Allan on the other hand was facinated on how they work so that was us.  he started up-grading the one we had and building others and i learnt more and more what i could do with a pc..

graphics are my favorite things but hey i use the internet for everything now from my weekly shop to buying off eBay to social networking on facebook, moderating on freecycle, chatting on forums. I have made web sites, web pages, created forums. just about everything now but im still learning stuff every day.. im slowly learning to write in html and bbcode..

Alex and Ali have their own pc’s and both are very pc literate  both can google and find things.. both know a lot of things… Alex surprised his teacher when he first started school as he changed the screen saver on the class pc with a banner saying alex going across the screen… he had personalised it like his own at home… ok she wasnt impressed but was impressed that he could do it… and had to ask him to change it back as she wasnt sure how to..  he does a lot of drawing  in paint and lots of other stuff… thats on top of playing his on line games.   the kids pc’s are locked right down so they cant find anything they shouldnt when they are searching but even so i like to be there just incase something slips through the net so to speak.  how different their childhood and teenage years are going to be to mine..

I often wonder what I would be like now if i had, had mobile phone when i was younger.  if i had , had the internet when i was abroad so i could of emailed friends, used web cams, talked to them over the internet…   The kids today especially the teenagers really dont know how lucky they are……

youth is wasted on the young..

I now wonder what things are going to be like in another twenty years…..  I know one thing I keep up todate on as much technology as I can…. I feel like a sponge. I love learning things…. and through the internet i have not only made contact with old friends, Ive made a lot of new friends…….A lot of whom i have now met (women and mums like myself i might add lol) and i have made some fantastic cyber friends..

I couldnt live without my Internet now

Im very much an insomniac so when everyone else is in bed and i cant sleep i can surf , play. and more…….

whats the saying I love my PC because my friends live in it…..

Things are getting better for now

Funny how things seem so dire one day and not to bad the next……..

have finally sorted out a few problems at home, Allan is behaving again and acting like a civilised human being….

And the one good thing about arguing is making up afterwards :)

not sure how long for though lol

Andy came round for a coffee yesterday and we had a chat which helped put some things into perspective..

I was going to take the kids to the beach and park yesterday but it never happened, first the weather was against us, not exactly nice and hot for a day at the beach, and secondly, my car wouldn’t start because the battery was flat…

Ali has this wonderful habit of turning the interior light on his side. usually i check when i get out that its off but i must of forgotten to on Friday which is the last time i used my car….

i was supposed to pick dad up this morning to take him to his retinal screening for his diabetes. they put drops in the eyes and you cant see much for a few hour’s so he couldnt drive himself…..

Allan who promised to find the battery charger forgot last night so i called dad up this morning and told him so there was a slight change of plan…

he came round in his car and i used that.  dropped him off at the doctors where the screening van was and then had a while to kill before picking him up….

I decided to take the boys to a park, i ended up driving past where i used to live years ago when the older kids were little and went to the park there…

it felt weird watching the boys play on the same stuff that 15 – 20 years ago i used to take Daniel, John and Sarah… It really hit home to me how much I miss them all …


it’s just made me hate this time of year even more….. i detest the months of June, July, August, September and October and of course Christmas….. so many anniversaries so many sad memories

I try not to dwell on things as half the year i would be in such a dark place………..

and  dont want to go back there when i know there is light at the end of the tunnel…….

i must be 3/4 of the way to the end now…….

but its taken me years to get that far i refuse to go backwards…..
Im sure one day I will get to the light and out of this bloody tunnel

Half-Term on a bank holiday monday…


It’s bank holiday Monday and tension is still running high after Evil Sunday

….. Allan is still in a foul mood and shouting at the kids over nothing and everything (no change there)…  the plan for the day was to go to the Kent garden show at detling showground..

we get ready in the morning and its grey outside….. after the beautiful weather yesterday it’s going to pour down today. Does that surprise you.. nah me either.

Sooo  Dad gets here and off we go…….  ok i admit flowers are really not my thing but if I have to choose something that goes in a garden apart from a table and chairs, umbrella and BBQ I would say  i like planters, patios, just grass etc If I had to choose flowers I would say  i like vivid red’s white’s blue’s and purple’s for flowers  im not a lover of yellow flowers or pink, orange anything like that.. my pet hates are geraniums and busy Lizzy’s

i dont know why but i really dont like them at all. They remind me of old grannys 🙄

walking round the garden show and i see some nice alpine plants i like,  that would of gone nice in some concrete planters i had that had been stacked behind the greenhouse when the building work started what feels like many years ago.

I mention to the men folk looking at plants like yes… you guessed it geraniums and busy Lizzy’s that i will get some alpines to go in said planters only to be told… “oh i gave all those away last year  they were not deep enough for anything really….”

anything but alpines that is …….. arrrgghhhh

evil 👿
so no  im not allowed to get any alpines  apparently  there is no where in the menfolk garden plan to put them…..

a few years ago i bought some nice bulbs and put them in the front garden… nice pom pom shaped flowers lovely dark purple and white.. you can tell i know sod all about gardening because i have no idea what they are called…. But where flowers are concerned which I have already mentioned I tend to dislike they were totally acceptable..

i see some more of these bulbs and say i would like to get some more to go in the front to go with the others that i planted and actually liked out the front.

oh we dug those out and last year when they had finished flowering and gave them away…… We were not that keen on them and they didnt fit in with the overall plan and look we want…

now by now im fuming…. everything i like is either given away or doesn’t fit in with their plan of what the garden will look like.   nearly £100 was spent on plants at the show… all horrible ones that i didnt like all pinks and peachy colours..

we get back and dad goes out the front garden……. and proceeded to dig a bigger flower bed in a semi circular shape by the front door…… this is the bit next to where the wheelie bin stands and also the bit where i walk through with the kids when we park out the front….. the drive way has not been done yet but the gap in the fence is there….. when the drive way is done this is right in the way of any path to be made to get to the frontdoor…  again im not happy like i said im not a flower bed lover but a thin strip was tolerable….. now we have this huge bed right in the way….

there is now only one plant left in the whole front garden and he says causally im going to dig that out and put a rose bush there……. like hell you are i say at this point… we have a rose bush with a yellow flower next to the water butt in the front garden. i dont like roses, In fact I HATE ROSES

i dont like yellow flowers but i tolerate this bush because the plan is it grows and can hide the water butt from view so to speak

more roses over my dead body….. so there we are ……. its my house……my garden and i have no say in it at all…..

im not allowed to plant anything i like…….. At this point Im starting to understand why children lie down on the ground and throw a tantrum when nothing goes their way..

well when it comes to the driveway being put in if i get the choice by houseing how its going to be i shall ask them to do the whole garden……. that way there will be no beds apart from under the window where the climbers like the passion flower and clematis grow then i will get some more planters and plant them up with things I LIKE!!!

so that is bank holiday monday…… shitty weather…… shitty moods…. Shitty day!!   The Evil Sunday in disguise

Lousy Sunday! Same thing week in week out… Sunday is the Evil Day!

I have to admit I’m not a fan of Sundays at the best of times,

for some reason Allan always seems to shout a lot and do his impression of  Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde usually aimed at the kids but sometimes I seem to get in the firing line… 😡


It doesn’t help that my dad is around most of the day on Sunday as well as he comes for his roast dinner on Sunday,  problem is he comes about 9am in the morning and stays until tea time so we dont actually get much time together.  By we I mean Me, Allan and the boys , Just occasionally it would be nice to have some “Us” time without pater there…

This Sunday has got to have been the worst in ages…..

Ali woke us up very early wanting to play, i convinced him to come and have a cuddle and he got in our bed in the middle and went back to sleep so we all got an extra couple of  hours in bed.. get up and just about to make the tea when my dad arrives…

The menfolk plan for today was lay the new lawn…  Both dad and Allan had made a start last night when the turfs were delivered so it was a case of getting the rest done today.  roast dinner was planned for the evening so gardening could be done all day instead of  just in the morning what usually happens is we have roast at one and then being to full to do anymore :) thats it for the day

the next part of the plan was for just some sandwiches, cake, crisps at one when the grand prix actually started so it could be watched before gardening was resumed.

fine they got half the turfs down, i got sandwiches etc done and we sit down and have lunch.  and we watch the grand prix

now bearing in mind no one is allowed to breath when Arsenal are playing the formula one is “MY” thing and i like to watch the whole race!!

Now the one pain of the BBC taking it over is there is no adverts for me to go put the kettle on, check dinner, get kids drinks , cook, serve, eat dinner, have a pee or do any other thing anyone wants.

So  here I am, im trying to watch grand prix, kids stuffed faces and got bored.. the pc in the corner is taken apart at the moment while he is decorating so they cant go and play on that…I had emptied the toy box upstairs when i had a tidy up in the morning so no toys lying around to play with… what happens next they start to argue…..in the end both are screaming……who is the one thats is trying to watch tv yes me…. im the one missing the grand prix plus
having to get up and sort them out every five mins

Allan gets the strop and storms out into the garden. muttering something about might as well do that as he cant watch or hear the tv because of the kids……..  great boys follow him into the garden  dad and i watch the F1 :) all quiet until Ali comes in screaming and i mean screaming…… Alex comes in screaming and really upset…… they tell me daddy has throw Ali’s favourite ball  which i might add is one of these little material soft balls, about the size of a grapefruit over into next doors garden… picture this garden  no one has been out in it in the whole time we have lived here nearly 6 years and  hadnt been touched for a good two or three years before that  so its all weeds and brambles…

I go out to see whats happened and Allan is shouting his mouth off….. apparently ali was on the lawn part he had turfed playing with this ball,  ok you shouldn’t walk on turf when its being layed but they had already let the boys walk on it all morning because they (my dad and allan) said their weight wouldn’t make any difference…..   anyway Allan had shouted his mouth of at Ali and then taken the ball off him and thrown it over the fence……  then he starts shouting at me. i cant even remember what he was ranting about so i think to hell with you and told him next time he leaves anything in my way i’ll act as childish as him and throw his stuff over the fence…   Ali is sobbing by now really sobbing rubbing his eyes with grubby paws .. remember he has been out in the garden so then his eyes get red  he takes off his glasses…

finally Ali  calms down and the grand prix has finished wow i got to watch the last few laps in peace…. well done Jenson by the way :) Ali has the hump because he wants to go with them in the end he gets out because they leave the front door open.. Alex is out there was well, the lawn is finished in the back so they go out the front to do a few bits  Allan comes in stressed again because they keep trying to escape


time for a cup of tea……. we sit down.. Ali still rubbing eyes takes off his glasses again….. Alex was playing in the hallway we thought ali went with him. the next thing i see is ali at the top of the stairs and bump bang bang as he falls down the whole flight,  i have never moved so fast in my life both Allan and i got to him as he hit the bottom.  first good sign he screams his head off…… much better then lying there quiet and he wriggles and gets up. we check him all over… the only place he has hurt himself his his bum and his shoulder blades. he got carpet burns on them.. nothing else was banged or hurt… he told us where he hurt…… one very lucky escape when i think what could of happened i was the one shaking afterwards when i think of what could of happened to my baby.


by now Allan has chilled out a little…… we have dinner finally about 7pm by which point ali was tired didnt want his dinner and we getting humpy.. no good putting him in the bath now he could hardly keep his eyes open.  he lies down has a drink and falls asleep on the sofa…  Alex watches tv for a while, dad goes home……… Alex goes to bed…..

by which point i seriously need a drink lol  except I cant drink ive just started taking some anti biotics that we had a full course of because Allan hadnt taken any for an infected insect bite because it had started clearing up on its own…. anyway i decided yesterday to take them as my finger is really swollen and has gone infected where Iggy bit me a few days ago.. plus its really painful and the other scratches although they had healed a bit really really itch like an insect bite does so i figure i might as well take them… I knew it was infected as they had swollen up like sausages and there was a nice yellow glow going on there.. 😦

Now in all honestly i hate shouting….. i lived with someone who was always shouting someone who was always moaning and shouting and swearing at me and the kids.. (ironic really they do say history repeats itself ) anyway i try not to argue….. I think allan and i had been together four years before he raised his voice at me…  that i wont put up with… now i shout back…….

its when he gets stressed out at the kids for no reason that really gets to me,

ok i admit im very protective of my chic’s im the first to shout at them when they do something bad but hey i made them i can break them lol

but i dont shout at them for trivial things like Allan does.. “Every Sunday”

it’s days like today that i really wish i was single……..

I Love You! The Three worlds that make the world go round!!

There are certain times in your life when you regret not saying those words …….

Every day I tell both Alex and Ali how much I love them in fact I say it many times though out the day…..

and you know what when they tell me they love me its the most fantastic feeling in the world.   That is what makes everything worth while.   Then I have the sad times  when I cant tell others how much I love them and regret not saying it to them more often.

If  Im honest i cant remember a single time when either of my parents told me how much they loved me.  both were never very good at showing their feelings.

dont get me wrong  I have no doubts that they didnt love me,  I know they did but they were just not affectionate people,

I dont remember them even showing affection to each other really,  no holding hands, affectionate pecks on the cheek, you know what i mean.  Maybe thats why i have or should i say did always find it hard to express my feelings for others, why i settled for someone who never showed me any affection.

Yes I do know what love is, or should I say being in love is and the various kinds of love there is and I strongly believe that true love is only found once or twice in a lifetime…… some people never  even find true love………  true love is loving someone so much it hurts, It’s loving someone that you don’t go a day without thinking about…..  A love that stay’s with you for your whole life….you dont even have to be with that person but you can still be in love with them.

Then there is another love, I once had a friend workmate who was in an arranged marriage  she had never met her husband until the day of the wedding, I remember at the time asking her how she felt……. her answer scared   i must of made some stupid comment about how she could do it. at which point she just laughed and told me to look at myself… ha ha i was in a dead end marriage, reason i got married I was pregnant..   ok point was taken.

Any way i digress for a second there , the point is she also told me that she loved her husband very much….. it was a love that grew between them as each and every day they were together.

There is the love you have for your child, the kind  of love where you would die for them, where you would do anything for them,

then another love is the love you have for your family for parents, siblings,  you may argue there may be fall outs but if the love is strong enough it will survive, ok i know not everyone loves their siblings, neither my brother or I have ever got on,  we live about a mile from each other and still have hardly any contact.  in fact in the last 30 years there has been no more than about 7 miles between where we have lived and i could probably count on two hands the amount of times we see each other…   it’s funny i think he always thought i was daddys favourite and i always knew he was,  he was the good boy who went to boarding school,  got a job as a commodity broker….  ok he had a couple of rough years but on the whole towed the line…….  then there was me, i was the typical wild child, refused point blank to go to boarding school, i got a good job in embassy and gave it up when my parents left the states, two reasons really. one i missed a very important person in my life and two the last trip i had to England when i was on leave i had a horrendous flight andnd forth across the Atlantic scared me so i only wanted to do it one more time and that was to come home, funny thing is my final flight was terrible as well and i swore i would never fly again. I then got a job London and then gave it up or so they all thought…. that’s when i had Michael   I then got pregnant again, married, separated, got pregnant, live in sin……. the story goes on and on right up until present day while my brother has been married now nearly 30 years, they have a big 4 bed house, a boat or should i say yacht in the south of France.. no kids,  posh cars good job’s…. anyway i have gone off  track again… so back to where i was.. thought of having to fly back and forth  to the states

Then there is the love you have for a friend, a strong bond between you and then there is forbidden love, this is loving someone you shouldn’t be it someone else’s boyfriend, husband, partner, wife, mother, girlfriend, you know what i mean, it’s someone who isn’t available. this is the hardest kind of love…. to be in love with someone you can never have or be with.

and last but now least there is love that is never reciprocated…….. when you love someone so much but they dont care about you…..

So where has this been leading to where do my feelings come into all this you ask……

I love all my children very much ok i may only be able to tell Alex and Ali how much i love them but in my mind i tell Michael, Daniel,John,Sarah , Andrew and Hayley how much I love them all the time and how much I miss them.

There is My dad i do love him, ok I dont say it to him, but he knows and i doubt he would ever want me to say it to him, its not his way…… but he knows… But I have to say he drives me crazy we dont have a days peace without him.

There is my friends….. I have some very good close friends who i do love, who i would try to help and support and stand by no matter what…. In fact I would like to think that I would do anything for any of my friends. I like helping people out when i can……I am so very lucky I have two soulmate’s in my life….. one a very good friend  and who has been there for me when i need him through thick and thin and one a  lifelong friend that i love very much and he will never know how much he means to me

I have love that has grown on me…… the more  time i spent with Allan the more the love grew…… yes i love him despite the problems we have had and im sure he would reply with the same answer if asked the same question.  But yes I do love him and tell him so …… . but i have to say he has stuck by me through some really bad times, been there for me, what more could I ask for….. will it last forever…… i cant answer that……. and i doubt neither can he in fact i dont think anyone in the world could answer that question.

I have my first love…… now this is where my mistakes began….. you see i blame my parents….. they made it hard for me to actually be able to tell someone i love them…  So in the past i couldnt find the way to tell a special person to me how much i did love them or how much i was in love with him….. and the other reason i couldnt tell him…..  fear of  being rejected if i dont let you know i care you cant hurt me… Fear of maybe finding out that they didnt feel the same and making a total fool of yourself, especially when you had treated them so badly in the past again because you never thought or should i say i never thought they cared that much anyway. but i think the main reason I never told him how i felt  was the fear of rejection

had I been able to tell this person what i felt….. how much i loved them then maybe my whole adult  life would of been different even now well over a quarter of a century later I still  feel love  for them Im not in love with them but I do feel love for them. I  Still think about them every day….. nothing has changed there. i dont think there has been a day in my life in the last 30 plus years that they havent come to mind if im honest….  but hey in my own little world i had my dreams. at least once……  Again I Cant tell them how i felt, how i still feel, how i will always feel… life is to complicated for that…. to late even if circumstances were different i doubt it would work out or would have ever worked out between us!! Chalk and Cheese .. Some things are just not meant to be!

All I can say to anyone is always tell those that you love just how much you love them, tell them how you feel.

Say those three magic words all the time and every chance you get….. it takes seconds to tell someone “I Love You”

Just do it because you never know if it will be the last time you will be able to say it to them again……

Or If you will ever get a chance to say it to them………

tell those people  close to you that you love,  you love them

because ……………..

there are  7 people in my life I cant say to them how much i love them because i cant see them to speak to or cant say it as it wouldnt be right, and you have no idea how much that hurts.

locked in eternal embrace

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The Garden or should I say work in progress?


When we moved in the house nearly six years ago the garden was nothing but a small patio by the house, grass and right at the end of the garden a load of rubbish and hard ground where they had been having bonfires. If there were any fairies they had up’d and left years ago!

The end was turned into a small veggie patch with the cold frame in the middle and a path round for the beds  and we bought a little 6ft shed which sat on the patio by the fence.

next thing picked up was a green house… this went at the bottom of the garden on the grass so he could still have his veg patch and huge compost heap he then started a flower and herb bed. this went from the edge of the patio on one side and a curved strip to a flower bed to half way down the garden. now i think this looked great.  we could sit on the grass on the patio set… no point in putting it on the patio as that rarely got any sun. we could see flowers herbs etc and best of  all Alex had lots of room to run on the grass and play…

then he got this plan in his mind…….. this was  were we lost the garden for a couple of years arrrgghhh

the first thing again was another shed a bigger one this time to house all the crap or should i say tools and everything he had acquired or been given when his step dad passed away .. this shed he put on the same side of the garden as the green house about half way down… so there was a 8ft gap between the greenhouse and shed which now left about a 20 ft gap between the shed on the patio and the big shed……. ok we will put a patio there and make up to the edge of the big shed…. nice area in the sun to put the table and chairs…   this took 6 months from start to finish  the garden was starting to look like a building site now……. plan two was make the veg patch at the bottom into a huge fruit cage  and extending the veg patch….  so up go loads of batons and the whole fruit cage was netted all over with a gate to stop the kids getting in there and eating everything as soon as it was ready. we have raspberries, gooseberry’s strawberries , black currents and god knows what else..

hmmmm nice area but no room now for the cold frame so that got brought out of the fruit cage and put at the end of the grassed bit so now we have a glass cold frame and greenhouse there…

his mum bought Alex a huge swing set which got put up on the grass next to the green house literally now taking up half the garden…….. the swing on this huge frame was put over the top because the first weekend the girls came to visit one of them was on it when Alex ran in front of it and got kicked right in the head… he was to little to actually play on the set himself.   this became the bane of my life every time he went in the garden you had to keep him away from them as he would climb up in the boat thing and fall off…

then major work started… all the fencing needed replacing  everything was brought to the middle of the garden on the grass…  so it looked like a dumping yard. there was wood, water butts ladders piles of bricks ballast you name it… end of the garden as we knew it… no longer could you sit out there or Alex play out there……..

eventually after 6 months the fencing was done.. building work continued.. he decided to move the small shed in the gap between the greenhouse and the big shed and build a concrete standing for it…… enter the cement mixer in the garden.. yes the middle of it…. oh and an incinerator to burn off all the rubbish again standing on what was the grass which was now mud where the grass had died off where everything was dumped on it…

next thing to come was a conservatory which got stacked up against the new fence until he could get round to putting it up..

this is how the garden was for the next 12 months..

by now Ali was two and had never been able to play in the garden unless he had wellies on and they were working out there either planting in the greenhouse or digging beds in the fruit cage.  then we have another set back he decided to stack the conservatory on the patio by the house.. upon moving it one of the glass panels broke or should i say shattered  only one side as it was double glazed so now we have glass everywhere as well. the other patio was where his tool bench thingy was so that took up all the space there.

it took weeks before the glass was cleared up … now we are getting close to present day… the weather was getting nicer and i kept moaning that we have two little boys who cant play out in the garden because it was a building site and dangerous and it wasnt fair on them.. so everything on the area that should be grass was cleared off and turf was ordered.  they decided to put 4 paving slabs in a square in the middle of the garden so when they wanted to burn off the garden rubbish the incinerator could stand on that….. ho hummm

the turf arrived Saturday night so bank holiday weekend lovely weather on the Sunday and here we are Allan and my dad grass laying

My boys growing up

Today i went to Alex’s School assembly he was a singing dancing spider 🙂

you know that proud lump that forms in your throat and tears  in your eye’s your you get when you watch your little one standing there in front of a hall full of people well i got that lump and the tears.  you would think that the amount of school plays and assemblies ive been to over the years that i would be used to it by now. but no it feels exactly like the first time every-time.  I’ve taken some pics not sure how well they will turn out but will try and upload them to the laptop when i can find the usb card reader….. I so miss my pc……


Time is flying past so quickly, It doesn’t seem five min’s since he was born.

To be honest it doesn’t feel like five mins since my first was born……. what happened to my life…….

Dont get me wrong, where my children are concerned i wouldn’t change a thing….. I have no regrets at all having them or choosing to have them.   ok my choice in father’s well one actually was not exactly one of my brightest moments..  but hey i paid for that mistake with 16 years of my life……. the only good thing that ever came out of my marriage was five beautiful children.

I have spent half my life thinking what if………  and where did i go wrong…    actually  i know where i went wrong so cancel that i guess its all karma really… payback…