Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus So they say… the thing is will we ever understand how the male brain works?


I’m sure they think the same thing about us women

But am I the only one who can’t understand how a male brain works???.

They never tell you how they feel and trying to work out what they are thinking or even how they think is impossible.

For instance years ago I was head over heels in love with someone .. the real thing the once in a life time kind of love, the kind of love you never forget or in a way stop loving that person.. your first real love.

I never knew he felt the same…… why because he never said so…….. he never showed how he felt….  how  was I expected to just know at the time……..

Then when I think this is never going to happen and move onto pastures new its wrong… ok Maybe it was a bad Idea to go off with his friend but when you have no idea how someone feels about you then in some weird and stupid way.. remember that i was a hormonal teenager at the time… and oh boy were those hormones raging.. It seemed a good idea at the time..  stupid on hind sight but good.

many many years later I find out that not only did above mentioned true first love, love me, he wanted to marry me

(or so he says lol I personally bet he sits there everyday thinking My god i got off lightly there)

……. FFS why didn’t he tell me at the time….. Communication do teenagers do this?

Maybe not either way I guess there is no excuse for going with his mate except everyone is entitled to make one mistake and when I make mistakes I go for king-size!!


when I think how different my life would have been,  I wouldn’t have been so bitter as I am now, I wouldn’t be so untrusting of men as I am now… well I have a feeling I wouldn’t of been so bitter lets put it that way..

Ok I wouldn’t of had the beautiful children I have now but, I know I would have had children so not sure that comes into the equation…  ok I wouldn’t be the person I am now, but would that have been a good thing maybe…

Even now I never know how or where I stand with this person..  I consider them to be a life long friend..

we can be talking one min and then the next I don’t get a reply and I never hear from him for ages or he is cold and aloft… what is going on..

to say it hurts would be admitting I care… but I do care….

this person is one of the most important people in my life  he always has been he always will be even if I never spoke to him again…

Now I know you can’t turn back time and if im honest I also know now that it would never work if we could. we are to different in so many way.. I doubt he could handle me 🙄

we both have other people in our lives / wives / partners/ husbands…  (I come under the last two haha)

both have commitments and attachments…

Im not asking to run off into the sunset with him..

no doubt after less than 24 hours we would be at each others throats :)

we are two different people now than we were years ago.  but I do value the friendship although I don’t show it…. I think it’s now a case of he hurt me so its karma……

I don’t do it purposely honest I don’t but every so often i will say something and put my foot in my mouth…

say something that I know I shouldn’t have and immediately regret it….. do I say sorry. I can’t because then im leaving myself venerable, then im letting him know all over again that I still have feelings for him…

Do I love him yes……

Am I in love with him…. I would say the answer is No  not anymore….

I know it would never work out between us….

I know we are to different…

I am being realistic…

I have a friend who has recently got together with her long-lost love….. after 25 years…. he was married then divorced… she was single…… she was so excited when they first got together but all he did was hurt her time and time again…. she couldn’t live with the ghost of his ex-wife…….. he couldn’t live with her because of the ghost of his ex-wife…. even his flatmate took precedence over her when he threatened her the long-lost love did nothing to stop him… but she still loved him still would put up with all his crap… one day she would say its on…then off again the next….. she couldn’t tolerate his drinking, his attitude……. eventually they split up… her dream shattered…….. maybe she should have kept it as that a dream….. reality hurt…….

I did try to tell her this before she even started the relationship I did say you can’t go back in time but she wouldn’t listen……. now she is hurting and i hate being the person to say I told you so … so I havent…… but I can understand how she feels I can understand why she wanted to make things work……. what i hate is the fact that after loving someone from afar for nearly half a lifetime has been shattered…… what  I hate is seeing her hurt…

I learn by both my mistakes and from others mistakes……

why did he feel the need to destroy her life…… destroy her love….

why don’t men tell us how they really feel…… then we can deal with what life throws at us…

what I hate about myself is the fact that I am the one who in the past hurt the one I loved and now i find myself still doing it occasionally , I just didn’t know it at the time how much I had hurt him… why because he never told me how he felt….

Was that my fault or his……..  I think we were both to blame……

However I do have to say …

I love my partner Allan very much despite our problems at times…..

and yes I am In love with him


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