A Strange Sad and Expensive week!

In the last week

It has cost us fortunes lol

The galaxy died on Allan so after a tow home by the RAC it was discovered the head gasket had gone… we called around and to fix it would cost about £500 so after a bit of debating we decided to see what other mpv’s were available for that kind of money…   we found a totota estima for £500 just needed taxing in very nice shape.. Allan has put a few dents on the galaxy and scratches and ruined the interior. filthy and trim missing etc so yes i agreed we would get the other car instead..  we buy it…. problem one  getting the insurance sorted  it’s an import…. my insurance co don’t insure it but the broker found another firm that would it cost a little more than the galaxy but at least it’s still fully comp.  sorted… now taxing it of course we couldn’t tax it until the cover note came.. now this is where the insurance co were fantastic… the cover note came the next morning so off i set to tax it… all sorted even sent the old tax back on the galaxy it only had one month so taxing would have been an expense we would have had to pay out for the galaxy anyway.   then getting rid of the galaxy… no if we had somewhere to store it I would have said sell it for spares or repairs…after all it’s not long since it cost us over a thousand to have the transmission re done and a new windscreen put in only a few weeks ago.  but we don’t so it had to go  so off it went to the metal breakers along with the metal climbing frames and a huge box of old hard drives and every other scrap bit of metal lying around :)

total result back £150  and then another £50 for the wheels and tyres so in actual fact the new one has cost us £300  so it did work out a lot cheaper than fixing the galaxy and we have a lovely looking mpv again (until Allan does something to it lol)

Allan also  fixed the knob on my car radio/cd player at long last..  that’s only taken him since last october when i bought my car to sort out… took all of five mins…

Ali has had a little bug not sure what it was he just had a day of not eating anything and his chest was really bad.. neither Allan or I got any sleep on sat night as we sat up watching him as he struggled to catch his breath and was coughing. thankfully i have his inhaler so managed to sort it out without a hospital visit ok once he was settled we decided to keep an eye on him anyway… managed to get him to eat something on Sunday even if it meant me going to the garage to get him his favourite cream cakes lol



I was thinking this morning that three years ago i was sitting in a panic… Allan had gone out and about 20 mins after he left my waters went… bearing in mind what has happened in the past with Michael and the fact that it was 3 weeks before his due date i was getting in rather a state… Allan rushed home, a friend baby sat Alex and we got up the hospital asap…. no signs of labour but because of my previous history they decided to keep me in…  it seems like yesterday now… I can’t believe that my baby will be three on 1st July,  then again I can’t believe that Daniel my oldest will be 24 tomorrow… this is the time of the year when depression really starts to hit me if im not care full.  I miss my son and i dread his birthday coming up… its another birthday i wont be around for another one ive missed.  that makes 6 or 7 now even that makes me sad that I cant remember the exact last birthday i could spend with him of course i could work it out but not actually remember….

Even my baby Ali’s birthday comes with sadness as it’s also my mum’s birthday he was born a year after she passed away on her birthday so while we celebrate Ali’s third birthday i cant help but feel sad that not only will he have never of met my mum it should be her birthday as well,  and on the 24th July not only is it my twins birthday who will be 23 its also the anniversary of my mum’s passing  so not looking forward to that either…  another two birthdays i will miss and i miss my mum…. hence my feeling down in the summer……. I try not to let it get at me and i don’t mention it to Allan now  I find the best way it to have a good cry when no one is around and no one knows how sorry im feeling for myself… i have to keep on, life has to go on… I have to be here for my boys..


And to top it off a crap end to a crap week last week Michael Jackson died…. and Farrah Fawcett while i did like Farrah and loved the film private Benjamin It’s the passing of MJ that has kind of shook me the most… I used to be a great fan when i was younger… hence my first son’s name Michael while Im not sure about the person he became and the wacko jacko stuff… there is no denying the man was an icon who had produced excellent music and was a great showman and dancer… it is a great loss not just to the music industry, entertainment industry but to millions and millions of fans world wide.  the only other person i can remember whose death  had such an impact on the world was Elvis

very sad news….

Good Day – Bad Day

Today has been a day of mixed emotions to say the least…

I went out today with dad for our usual Friday shopping trip to choose the joint for Sunday and get the veg and desserts… he always comes to our house for dinner on a Sunday and nearly always chooses the meat we are having lol must admit he does have an eye for a good joint when it comes to choosing which leg of lamb etc  and today we had lunch out with Ali as well, who as always sat at the table in the cafe and ate every mouthful of his dinner and his banana afterwards… I don’t know where that kid puts it all.

The weather has been lovely and I’m certainly making the most of the ceiling fan thats up now…

 

the next job to do is the ceiling in the front room.

ok the fan should of been put up after it was painted but the electrician was booked ages ago.

i know we could of fitted it ourselves but housing want a qualified electrician to do the work and i have to have a certificate so £60 later the fan was fitted. will get on a bit with the decorating on

Andy came round this afternoon after I had picked up Alex from school and we had a chat but i have to admit i was facebook watching all the time he was here…  the reason being…

A very good cyber friend had her long awaited for twins today and im so very happy for her.

This woman is incredible she has yearned for a child for many many years and at the age of 50 her dream has finally come true and today like i said she gave birth to twins, a little boy and girl…   I have spent many hours talking to her over the last 7 odd months having had a twin pregnancy in common with her.

Now the reason for the bad day bit…

again the birth of the twins brought tears to my eyes, tears of happiness for Daisy that she has finally got her dream come true and her very only little family  and tears for myself because i miss my kids so much… It only seems yesterday that my twins were born… to make things worse its not that long ago that i found a baby picture of the twins…    not only do I miss them all, I have resigned myself that Ali will be my last child…  while i would of loved another baby a while back I’m not sure I would want one now….. Ali will be starting playgroup in September (he could of started last September but i wasn’t ready to let him go if im honest… I’m not sure i will be ready in September but I know I’m going to have to let him go. He keeps asking to go to school when we take Alex every day so I guess he will be ready for playgroup   I cant believe my  last baby is going to be three in a matter of a couple of weeks.

Where has the time gone…..

My Twins John and SarahMy Twins John and Sarah

Tooth-ACHE!! If you put childbirth no 1 on the pain scale of 1 to 10…… Toothache comes in at about 13….


This has got to be the worst kind of pain going, I mean if you put childbirth no 1 on the scale of 1 to 10……

Toothache comes in at about 13….  It’s got to be the worst pain ever, only closely followed behind by Earache…. And I’m not a wimp by any means ive had 8 kids with gas and air, stitches with no anaesthetic.. broken bones etc and nothing what i would consider overly painful by any means

I have been suffering and I MEAN suffering for the last three days…..

bit of background..


About 15 yrs ago my ex decided that he would punch me in the face, It cracked one of my back teeth…

The Dentist at the time decided that it was only a hairline crack and provided it didn’t change colour everything should be ok……

I was really sensitive to Hot & Cold and was told for years to use sensedine toothpaste but it still was really sensitive….

About a year ago it started to hurt so the dentist I now have decided to do a root canal……a week later  half of it broke and came out… and despite having a root canal which is supposed to kill the nerve it still hurt …

she then decided to cap it or crown it what ever you want to call it…. that was fine for about 5 months… then it came off which left me with the outer side of the tooth and some very sharp bits on gum level…  but no pain… so she decided to leave it at that and then put another crown on despite me asking her to now pull it……   ok I admit its my fault I never went back for the crown… hey no pain, no sensitivity no need to go… well that’s what I worked on the theory of anyway…

back to present time…

Friday night i got a little niggle but thought nothing of it…..

Saturday morning i got toothache…

just normal toothache  nothing unbearable but annoying……

by late Saturday night Sunday morning i was in excruciating pain. the kind of pain where death seems a good option,

the kind of pain where it’s not safe to be near you as you will rip anyone who slightly upsets you limb from limb……

I found some antibiotics Allan had not taken when he had an abscess…….

(don’t you just love it when people never take their medication and you have a stock in the cupboards…)

it’s certainly helped me out over the last month…

Anyways… I took Antibiotics, pain killers, anti inflammatory pills  and more pain killers….. I would of taken anything including arsenic if I thought it would of helped.

I was still in agony..

now the antibiotics say not to be taken with alcohol they will make you sick…..  more pain   I forgot about that rule..

so had a drink to try to numb it……..  a whole bottle of white wine later and still in pain…. it didn’t even make me sick to take my mind off it…

Sunday night was the worst..  I considered pulling it out myself… now where were the pliers…..

Allan decided to be very brave and hide them……

by brave i mean stupid enough to come within the exclusion zone and say I couldn’t use them for ripping said tooth the cause of pain from my mouth…

I’m still not sure whether to thank him or not….

I recon at the time it couldn’t of hurt any more than it did already and it might of hurt for a while but then the pain would be gone…

I try calling the dentist only to be told they can’t fit me in until next week Friday to be exact which meant i would of had toothache for a week.   tried the emergency dental line and they no longer operate they just work with local dentists now on a rota basis…

I tried Canterbury hospital at the suggestion of my sister in lawish… I lied and said i was staying with a friend in faversham (so i could be in the right health area) but they told me that my local dentaline rota dentist was within distance of me going home…..

then another friend suggested i try the island community hospital so i got hold of sheppey community hospital and they said they couldn’t do anything but would make me an urgent appointment at any dentist if i was willing to travel…

HELL YES I WOULD GO TO SCOTLAND if it meant it would be sorted…..

they told me they would call me back which they did…

I had an appointment at 3.45 at the dentist in milton….. what the hell…… that’s my dentist .. the ones that can’t fit me in until the end of next week……


I went  and when i asked how come they could get me in via the hospital but i couldn’t get an appointment i was told they have to keep a number of appointments free for hospital referrals… go figure that…

Anyhoo… In I trot she looks at it and says oh yes you have a huge abscess  (like tell me something i don’t know)

i cant do anything until its gone down i will give you some antibiotics at which point i told her i had been taking them for 2 days anyway…and was in agony…

do something now pull the fucker……

No she still wont pull it….

but she agreed to try to relieve the pressure from the abscess  so i get the jab.. which i never felt.. everything hurt all the time.

she then waited and when it had taken effect and i was finally out of pain…

hey i cant feel anything i love this.. can i take some syringes full home with me….

she then lanced the abscess and spent ages draining it…

sorry if TMIEEEWWWEEEEE!  her words were then oh that was infected…..

i bet it was really uncomfortable…..

just a tad i replied…

it seemed a better option than pinning her up against the wall by the neck and saying  YES IT BLOODY HURT…

It seemed like there was a never ending stream of puss pouring from my mouth so actually trying to have a conversation with this woman was a fate in itself……

Ive got an appointment to go again in two weeks when the abscess has gone and the gum has healed.. for her to assess the situation…. with any luck she will get whats left of the tooth and pull the dam thing out…..

thankfully now the pain is more a very sore gum pain but not toothache

I’m starting to become human again….

the kids are safe and can now take off the hard hats and ear defenders and Allan can take off his bullet proof vest….


For Now……..


Living with a hoarder now thats when Freecycle (now Freegle) had its use…


Where do I start  lets see

We moved into our house about 5 years ago..

ok the decoration wasn’t to my taste but hey it had been recently done and i had a three month old baby to care for and the week we moved in i ended up in hospital the day after we picked the keys up with an infected tumour in my neck so Allan bless him not only had to move everything in but take care of the baby as well, plus of course visit me :)

not to mention worry himself sick over said tumour as at the time we didn’t know if it was malignant or benign.

all we know was my lump in my neck was huge and i was going for the op to have a biopsy.. which went wrong and hence the infection….. 😦

anyway back to where i was….  the house didn’t need decorating so we didn’t worry about it  well there was one room the bathroom. that was just newly plastered walls and tiles…. money was tight.. when we moved into the house we had… a double bed given to us by a friend and a dresser, coffee table and rug that were my mums … a travel cot and a few baby bits   and a kettle….. yes folks that was our worldly goods

where i worked at the radio station someone had dumped a 3 piece suite outside that looked fine so i asked if we could have that  great no more sitting on floorboards with blankets on….   we were given the odd bit of furniture here and there and slowly things started to come together….. i got paid and went out and bought some bunk beds for the girls room. and then paid to get the front room, hall stairs and landing and the girls room carpeted in the cheapest cord carpet i could find… Allan’s mum found some old curtains and nets in her attic and gave us them.. we had curtains for the front room and the girls room.. but nets for the whole house ,we put a blanket up at our bedroom window….at least we had a little privacy

now in my previous life so to speak i have always been a hoarder so this bare look was new to me.  next Allan manages to get his cook books back from his ex alone with his bookcase…… we now have over 200 books   i got a catalogue and managed to order some wardrobes for our bedroom and some bedside cabinet’s . I was given a cot for Alex   so with the bits of off cuts from the carpet we made little rugs and hey presto we had a bedroom..  the front room consisted of a coffee table.. three piece suite  carpet and a welsh dresser in one of  the alcoves in which we put a small 14 inch TV that my mum gave us. we were using a little baby belling cooker that was loaned to us and the kettle for dinner…. have you ever boiled eggs in a kettle its easily done…  anyway another friend had a gas cooker which was green and the seal was going round the oven but hey it worked  we had a real cooker with an oven you could cook basic things in and 4 gas rings this was bliss.. again someone else we knew gave me an old fridge freezer…… great two months on and we have a kitchen.. I bought a secondhand washer / dryer for £30 out of the paper… no more hand washing baby clothes…

slowly week by week and month by month we picked up little bits we needed mainly for the kitchen.. plates etc  the pans i was using were replaced and we got everything we needed.

at Christmas we had been in the house 10 months. i was asked what i would like and i said furniture nothing special just cheap flat pack but at least we could have something that matched…. Allan wanted beech so with the money we were given by my mum and dad we bought a shelving unit…a little nest of tables and a coffee table. and a pc desk for the old pc that i was given….. hey we had a matching front room  bliss…….

Allan’s step dad passed away and he was given all his tools and garden stuff……. his mum had two of everything it was a thing his step dad had… always have a back up…. so we got the back ups..  Allan needed a shed for the garden we got the cheapest 6ft x 4ft shed…..  we picked the odd bits and pieces in the pound shop for ornaments etc  it was starting to look like a home and not a shell….

Allan bought a tin of paint and painted the bathroom.  that was the decorating done…

I didn’t have much time to be at home anyway… my dad wasn’t around and my mum needed a carer i became that full time carer  but sadly she passed away anyway when she passed away the house was going to be sold and the furniture and everything had to be cleared out… we got a microwave… dressing table, wardrobe, single bed and lots of other bits and pieces… ornaments… loads of my bits from the attic from when i was younger…

we  now  had “things” the minimalistic look was gone….

not to mention toys and lots and lots of them, that had accumulated from birthday and Christmas for Alex.

and his travel cot as a play pen in the front room…..

I got a carers allowance for looking after my mum and had saved some of it so we managed to get some more bits….

then i joined freecycle. what a god send that was….

the beech furniture we bought was falling to bits less than two years after we bought it so every time i saw something on freecycle in the mahogany i liked i would ask for it…

I was lucky i got a couple of wall units.

in the meantime the rest of my mums furniture that was stored in my bothers garage that i hadn’t wanted and my brother was getting fed up with taking up space i put on freecycle… we managed to clear my brothers garage in two weeks and had put over 600 offers on freecycle…

right down to her disability aids although we kept the wheelchair… and zimmer type frame shopping walker. they went up in the attic… you never know when they might come in handy..

our fridge freezer died  within a couple of days someone offered one on freecycle and hey presto we were lucky….  we got it…. as Alex grew out of most of his clothes and baby stuff i got rid of it on freecycle… all i kept was some precious outfits of his….  then what happens i find myself pregnant again….  a friend who i have known for many many years informs me she still had all the baby clothes that  I had given her when my older kids had grown out of them. a huge trunk full both girls and boys stuff….. so we got that back… i got another moses basket off freecycle and a few other bits i had to replace…..

i had paid up the catalogue by then so ordered a nice wide screen tv  we put the little portable on freecycle…. the kids already had tv’s video players and dvd players that had come from my mums

i was bored with the 3 piece so when i saw another one that would match better in the front room on freecycle  i asked for that got it and put our old one on there that was snapped up…

Allan was given a load of old PC stuff by a friend and started building his little pc workshop in the attic… he made a nice fast pc for me ok we had to buy new bits for it.. but that was sorted…..  he made the girls and Alex their own pc’s for their bedrooms….. bought more kitchen bits when he saw them… don’t forget his is a trained chef so collecting bits for the kitchen is his hobby…..  his mum gave us some shelves so they went up in the bedroom and more and more cook books filled them… along with all the books from my mum’s which had been boxed up in the attic

Ali was born…..  more and more bits crept into the house….  then Alex decided he wanted some fish as a pet.. i bought him A little fish tank with everything included filter light heater you name it….. filled it full of fish.. my dad then decided that he fancied having tropical fish again. he used to have then 30 years ago so he got a big tank… then it escalated  we ended up getting more and more tanks., one was over 6 ft long and 5ft high…  they took over the front room and the kitchen.. we even set up a marine tank which i have to say cost fortunes…… now ok i knew what i was doing with the tropical fish, what i could put together but when it came to marine fish i was a complete novice so ended up asking at our local aquatics shop what would be the best things.  it took weeks to set up from the live rock to cleaner shrimps for weeks before we could even add fish… we added fish and it was looking great for about 6 months… Alex then wanted a nemo fish so we bought one.  put it in the isolation tank for a few weeks all was fine. put it in the main tank and the bloody thing died and killed everything else in the tank after that i decided no more what with testing the water all the time and keeping it going i said no more marine fish…

we had ended up with over 8 tanks 5 of then big ones.. at Christmas there was no room for any decorations except a few ceiling ones The fish had taken over.. along with boxes of equipment, testing kits you name it.. more stuff….

in the meantime every time Allan’s mum had a clear out he would bring it home  no matter what it was  and yes it would be put away…. now the only place we have for storage is an attic and the small bedroom. when the girls came to visit they had to stay in our bedroom because the small room had now become a storage room even the entire contents of the airing cupboard are stacked in there as we lost that storage space in the cupboard when they put in the combi boiler .. even the garden was full of stuff.. bits of wood that may have a use…. he seems to think that everything will have a use eventually..

quite often i would freecycle stuff he had forgotten about but as fast as I’m getting rid of stuff he brings more in.

now i have always had lots of bits around me but this is getting silly now every available bit of space in the house was being taken over…..  we had gone from an empty shell of a house to a house that was bursting at the seams in a matter of a few years ….

now the clear out.. he starts doing the building in the garden and slowly the bits are being used. I convinced him to burn off all the bits of wood not needed in the garden , convinced him we didn’t need a huge garden umbrella with this side stand that practically covered the whole garden  we didn’t need 2 complete sets of garden furniture so i freecycled all the wooden stuff we had and left the wrought iron ones i liked :)

now the front room is being decorated. we are now down to two fish tanks as i had slowly dwindled them down and given them to friends etc i decide that the huge tank is taking up lots of space so when i was given another tank that’sviv in the front room. i convinced him we didn’t need the display cupboard that kept the booze in it and the computer desk that was huge could go upstairs… could he build me one in the alcove… so we now have the sofa’s a viv A Huge TV with a stand and a wall unit in the front room with a couple of  little end tables…. there is actually wall space free while the decorating is going on….. when its done i hope that we will have the whole space by the window clear.. only 4ft and fits on a stand i would get rid of the huge one . we needed it out the front room for when the flooring goes down anyway.. so at the moment the 4ft one  is in the garden waiting for when the front room is done.. the fish are in another tank in the kitchen on a stand and the little fish are in another tank in the kitchen on the counter top.. we have the big

The problem now is because we bought all the flooring to do the hallway and the front room at the same time. and can’t lay the flooring in the front room until the decorating is done we have that stacked up in our room, alone with a couple of spare viv’s boxed stuff from the wall unit so it can be moved while he decorates and now i cant get into the wardrobe’s to put clothes away so it’s stacked up in baskets our bedroom has become another storage area the kitchen has become a storage area and the hallway even has the big Chinese rug that was in the front room rolled up and halfway up the stairs ready to go up in the attic because i don’t want it down again in the front room but again he wont get rid of it..

i had strong words that enough was enough next time someone or his mum offer’s him anything they don’t want to say NO! there is no room left in the house..

sometimes i wish i could go back a few years to when we had hardly anything at least the place looked tidy then… i have to admit at the moment i have lost the will to live when it comes to tidying up because the place still looks like a dumping ground….And he is still bringing bits home  arrrrggghhh……..

in my next life im going for minimalist

Fathers Day is looming


 

Allan asked me last night if i had made any plans for father’s day..

Eh WHAT???

he then said that if I hadn’t already bought anything can i get him the mick oldfield CD  now I just sat there and said why didn’t he download it and he said he wanted the cd in its case etc not downloaded onto his mp3 player.and its only about £10.

now at the moment money is tight for everyone.. the same here. and im thinking yes that reminds me I must pick up a card for MY dad…  get it a card…

he has never been one for wanting gifts on father’s day and always moans if I get him something and has already reminded me not to waste any money-getting him anything..

he hates commercialism if that is such a word lol

anyway back to Allan it didn’t dawn on me at the time but thinking back to mothers days in the past since I have been with Allan only once has he ever bought me a mother’s day card and that was last year about half way though the day when he detected I had the arse and suddenly remembered what day it is…

made some excuse to go over to the shop and came back with a card and a little box with 4 chocolates in it….

from the boys.. at which point all of the three men folk hovered around me while I opened the box…. yes all had one which left one chocolate…

and it wasnt very nice.. 😡

So back to now….. do I get him a card and his cd or do I get him a card and a little box of chocolates and tell him to share them like I had to…..

yes I know i sound bitter but it must be me and men

my ex never bought me anything at birthdays or Christmas until the first year we had been separated he then gave me a pair of trainers in a size to big…

which i passed onto my oldest son at the time. as they were mens trainers as well.

and since i have been with Allan yet again no birthday and Christmas presents….

now i have always made an effort and got him stuff not only from myself but from the kids as well.. one year on my birthday we went to maidstone….

i picked up a small box of toffefee’s (not sure how you spell that one) total cost £1.99 he picked up some other bits in the same shop and paid for all of them. it came to about £12

and then in another shop Allan bought himself a car radio for the Toyota he was using at the time…..

ok it was only a cheap one for twenty quid..

we got home and he started putting away the bits we had got , gave me the chocolates and said here you are have these for your birthday…. WHAT THE FUCK……. 😡

lets just say he is a very lucky man not to have spent the evening in A & E having a box of chocolates surgically removed!!

Do you think he will be getting his cd then 🙄 😆

“The Finger” or as its now referred to in the house “Iggy Food”

For those who haven’t read previous posts, I was nibbled by the Iguana on the 15th of may   I was hand feeding him some grapes when just as he was about to take the grape it slipped out of my fingers and Iggy bite me instead of the grape… of course i did everything wrong and my immediate reaction was to pull away hence razor sharp teeth cutting in deeper.  your supposed to just cover their nose until they let go which i might add can actually take a while because they can hold their breath for a seemingly long time..

anyhoo!!!!!

the rest of the bite marks seem to have healed but the top of one of my fingers is very infected. i have taken one course of antibiotics and used all the antiseptic creams etc…

the finger was very painful to move but lately its gone kinda numb..

numb that is until i knock it on something which i seem to do on a regular basis..

even putting the kids socks on and things like that can be agony…

Before anyone says anything no I haven’t been to the doctors or the hospital…

I really hate going its not a phobia as such but I just avoid it at all costs although im beginning to consider it now.

I’ve noticed that the colouring on my finger is rather red and the nail is getting discoloured as well.  its come to a head quite a few times and each time Allan has tried to draw (sorry TMI) the puss out and got loads.. however the next day its full again…

now im getting an expert at typing using the rest of the fingers except the sore one.  that just tends to stick out on its own lol

it’s quite funny as you cant see it clearly in the pictures but you can now see a mouth size bite marks scarring on my hand…. the wheelie clean lady commented on it when she came to collect the money last week.  she just said oh have you been bitten by a dog…..

errr nope it was my Iguana

The look of shock on her face was a picture 😆

anyway here are some pictures of the huge finger  and getting bigger by the day..  they don’t actually show how swollen it really is.