You know who you are. You know very well. And you know exactly what it is you’ve done to hurt me. Day in and day out you find a new way to bring me down. With every passing week it seems that you have discovered a way to tune out any of the good things that you’ve heard coming my direction and just carry on down your own path of “destroy Ann’s self esteem”.
You look at me with disgust, with scorn, with contempt, with…….with the opinion that I’m not good enough. You tell me I’m fat. You tell me I’m lazy. You tell me I’m ugly and that you can’t understand why the man I live with is still with me. You leave me with the belief that I am not good enough for this man or anyone else in my life and have even made me question my abilities as a mother to the two wonderful children who have blessed my life and to my Older five Children from the Marriage from hell.
I have gotten better at rising above, at lifting myself to a level where you can no longer affect me. I can still hear you. Like the incessant buzzing of a housefly circling my head before perching on my shoulder to take the biggest dump possible, you are always there. I can close my eyes, I can put my fingers in my ears….but I can still hear you. You don’t have the same impact that you once did, but the fact is, I can’t escape you.
Every day, I listen to you. Every day, you are there. Every day, you try and bring me down.
You hurt me and I can’t get away from you. But you know what, Brain? You can suck it…because I’m going to make a conscious (pun totally intended) effort to ignore you and your nastiness from now on.