I love my family with every fibre of my being. Home is a heaven on earth. Also a temple-like place where everyone speaks in respectful tones and smiles sweetly just like the family portrait on the wall.
Oh let’s cut the crap, shall we?
Family life is chaotic, messy, and occasionally downright annoying.
Sometimes I want to scream obscenities at various smaller-than-me people and then run away and never come back.
It’s true. Sometimes I think maybe there is an axe murderer living inside me, and once in a while she makes a break for freedom.
Last night she almost escaped.
My children had no idea how close they came to death.
There was no audible screaming.
Although I did raise my voice at one point when this conversation happened:
“Mummy? I’m Hungry Can I have a snack?”
“No Alex, I am cooking dinner. No snacks.”
“But I’m hungry!”
“I know this. That is why I am fixing dinner. We will eat in 20 minutes.”
“But can’t I have something while I wait?”
I took a slow breath and spoke in my patient but firm mummy voice. “Alex. Listen very carefully. I am making dinner as fast as I can. We will eat in 20 minutes. You can have a big glass of water, and then you can eat all you want when dinner is served.”
“But… I’m hungry!”
At which point Ali joined in as well
“But.. We’re Hungry Now!”
Patience gave way to my WWF Smackdown voice. “OUT! If I see you in this kitchen again before I call you up for dinner you will be eating Dog Food for dinner!”
The boys face’s crumpled, and their lower lip’s began to tremble.
“Please go to your room to cry because I soooo do not want to see it!”
The Meal was cooked…
I called them downstairs, The both sat down at the table.
And Ate… Every Mouthful without uttering a word…
That is a first in this house 😆