Yeah, it’s been awhile.
Nobody needs to get excited that I’m up and blogging again. I’m making no promises. But I have some things rattling around in my head that I want to get down.
Life has a way of jerking you around. You think things are how you want them or your just plodding along and thinking this is all life is going to be like, and suddenly everything changes. I hate change. And yet it seems to be the one thing in life I can always count on.
Things have been very settled on the home front for some reason.. not an instant change that I had noticed happening over night but all of a sudden it hit me the other day.. Im happy.
I’m actually Happy.
Happy with my life…. settled.. since the biggest upheaval of my whole life I’m finally settled.
I spend my days with people I love… I enjoy my time while Ali is at school baking or spending time with friends… Ok so I have to put up with the old man around for a few hours a day but even then I Know I should make the most of the time we have with him after all he is no spring chicken!.
I’m getting my dream mixer in a few days.. As I type Allan is off on a hunt for some more decorating bits as he is doing the kitchen for me in preparation for the change in the kitchen.. that is a change I Like.
But I noticed the other day when he came in and something he said about his mother made me notice and realise that yes he indeed has untied the apron strings once and for all. How did I miss this.. I’ve not had to see the old witch for over a year… We are getting on better than ever… I do feel sorry for him in a way.. we were talking about friends the other day and while I have many He hasn’t now.. not guy friends he can go do blokey things with.. He doesn’t go to the pub the only time he gets to go out- out is when we go out together….. I on the other hand can pop round a friends… go to Anne summers party.. have had invites to go out drinking with the girls.. . He has never been one to hang out with the lads… but the male friends he did see often he doesn’t even see them now as their lives have changed…
I am his life……… the boys are his life……. what would he do and where would he be without us..
Strange feelings going on…
There was a wanted on Freegle the other day for some Shaped Terry Nappies and I remembered I still had some upstairs in the attic so I mailed the lady and offered them to her..
When I went up to get them there was the baby door bouncer.. three nappy changing bags and some other bits so when she came she had the lot and the buggy board I offered her..
I’m not sure what’s left up there apart from the trunk with baby clothes. Will have to go up there one day and really sort things out. I wont ever need the baby stuff again.. while It feels strange to admit it I know that I don’t want to go down that route again even if I could have. I have to say though it felt weird after she had taken the stuff though..
I am finally admitting to myself that chapter in my life has ended It’s taken me nearly 3 years… everything I couldn’t bear to part with is slowly going out the attic, I’m getting there slowly.
things may not be perfect but I’m getting there. And then Wham… Something happens and my whole head is in a state of confusion…
I do know one thing.. Make the most of what you have because you never know what is round the corner……. I look at other people’s lives and I have it made…….
Some days I wanna just scream, and other days I just wanna cry. But when I look into my chidren’s eyes, I smile and remember how lucky I am.
Do I really want things to change in my life now….. you know.. I’m not sure now….. A year or two ago I would have said yes I would but now… I have my kids, my house is slowly getting sorted, I have good friends and most of all I have a man who loves me in his own daft way ok he is not very good at remembering birthdays or things but he is there when i need him and he doesn’t go out getting drunk and has never laid a hand on me….Could he be my real soul mate after all?
what more do I need? yeah ok a big win on the lottery would be nice 🙂