The Strangest Things Bring Up Old Memories especially when you see a picture posted on facebook or a saying. I saw today a page that had this status:
Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.
Love memories can linger in our minds for years, and we all want to burn and discard painful memories so we can forget all about them but the problem is when someone else burns the good memories..
I have been in love a few times in my life. My first and really only true love was the most painful. Painful because it was my stupidity and my fault it ended, and is the one that comes to my mind the most. In fact its the only one that comes to my really.
It comes to my mind, not out of regret or hate, but because I have no physical, materialistic, love memories of that relationship. I have no cards, no dried flowers, no love notes and no photographs. I have nothing off all the letters that were sent to me, Apart from the fact that we are still friends and soulmates as such and apparently according to him always will be.
I have nothing of our time together.
I did keep everything I even kept diaries from when I was 11 right up until I was about 22.
they all went up in the loft at my parents house along with photo albums of my childhood etc. Sadly when my parents were abroad and I was living in their house with my husband, while I was out one day with the three youngest at the time, he went up in the loft to be nosy and if I’m honest probably to find something to sell 😦 and collected all of my saved old love letters, gifts, notes and photos and made a bonfire out of it. He burnt everything he could find of my life before him… While I can understand to a certain extent his loathing of the fact that I had kept something of someone before him, I felt violated, He had no right, it was my property, it was not for his eye’s or anyone else’s … but then this is the man who destroyed anything to do with my family, even old photo’s of my parents.. after all this was their attic. He just assumed everything was mine.
Years have passed and especially since I split with my husband (its been over 12 years or so now)
I missed reading my first loves old love letters and his cards for a while, and after a few years, I almost forgot how he looked. I could remember him, of course, but it was just a vague memory.
The problem with me was that I had always been worrying so much about finding the perfect one, the one that matched up to my first love, that I had forgotten all about the experiences I’ve had on the journey. I can remember my first love, boyfriend sending me a mushy love letter after I had left for America, we wrote to each other all the time, the worst thing is I can’t remember what it said. I only wish I still had it.
When I put a profile on friends reunited he contacted me, we spoke briefly on the phone and from then on we were in contact via facebook.
Things were different. We spoke like old friends and it was good. No ill feelings and no rift. I again had contact with him after 2 decades. To me contacting him felt like bumping into someone for the first time. I couldn’t recollect too many love memories of ‘us’, together on dates apart from maybe a trip to the cinema to see Rocky III, though he did remind me of a few incidents and old love letters. We were kids we hung around in groups, went to the pub with friends, I just cant recall the us time (well of course I remember moments )
He has said he still had my old love letters and love notes from when I was abroad and pictures of me, even despite the fact that he had married. I bet his wife loved that,
That thought didn’t make me feel warm or fuzzy inside, it made me feel foolish and stupid. He had treasured those years as a memory and He could recollect all of them, and laugh about it. I wished I could have turned back time, and I even wondered if I could ask Him for a photocopy of our old love letters! But that would be the most stupid thing to ask for sure. I had lost my love memories, sure, but not my mind thankfully. We are now in contact when ever we want. Like I said we are both on that infamous site facebook… He is on every account I have ever had… all three My main one, which I use all the time, My account that I originally had with over 3000 people on it which I opened when facebook had not long been going and you needed loads of people to play games, I deactivated that a long time ago and moved close friends and family etc. and people I wanted to keep in contact with to another account which is my main account now lol
I now even have an account now with just him and Vickie on it… (I opened it when I had to deactivate my main account for a few days just to remain Admin of some groups about a week ago) and then decided to keep it open just for a private chat and when I don’t want to get sucked into the whole facebook thing… its a private one.. as far as Allan is concerned its deactivated now.
If only I knew back then, about how I would feel now, maybe I would never have left those letters and stuff up in the attic where anyone could find them and my ex would never have burned the stack of old love letters and cards and no doubt done the tribal dance around them.
Perhaps, I would have been able to chat with my first love and talked about memories that I found funny too, memories of what we had written to each other. That would have been nice. But now, that’s history.
But the only thing that rubs it in is the fact that I don’t remember important things like dates of my first kiss, my first date, and my first love letter in my life. All that was written in my diary, If only I had those love letters and kept those love memories in a corner of the attic hidden away, I could have read them all over again and remembered what a smooth talker and writer he was, even when we were young!
Bearing in mind we had been writing to each other since we were about 11,
to be honest after everything I did to hurt him I’m surprised he even talks to me.
And yet he still says.. (Although no doubt a few drinks gave him some courage)
He will always love me and I will always be perfect and his Soulmate
Don’t you ever regret knowing someone in your life, good people will give you happiness, bad people will give you experience, while the worst people will give you a lesson and the best people will always give you