Things can only get better… right?!

This has been kind of a rough week.  I have not been having the best of luck lately

Worst week of my life. & I feel like my blog is the only place I have to go to bitch about it I can set the odd pissed off status on facebook but at least here I get the chance to say how I really feel, Im not one for those dramatic woe is me status updates, In fact the one thing that annoys me more than anything else is the suicidal attention seeking updates you see on a regular basis on facebook.

I have one friend in particular who does this at least every couple of weeks, I even told him once if he is going to kill himself could he do it quietly as ive lost interest now… Then I hid him from my wall lol

anyway as this is a me me me post.. back to me:

I haven’t been this miserable in so long. All I’ve wanted to do all week is fall asleep & not wake up. not in the suicidal sense but in the I really cant face another shit day… I need some good days..

 

I really don’t understand what exactly the universe has against me this week, but damn. I could have honestly just lay in bed and waited for Monday, because this clearly wasn’t my week. Each day I have been trying to be positive and tell myself that tomorrow is a new day, but I’ve done that the past five days and it didn’t help at all.

Seriously. I can’t catch a fucking break.

Sometimes, I’m tempted to remain stubborn and keep my mess close to heart. Not to say a word to a soul, Because I’m losing that feeling in my gut that soothes my dismal existence.

Because I want to hold onto something familiar despite thorns and sharp teeth.

Because nothing feels right and everything feels wrong.Even these words. Cluttered. Ambiguous. Cold. Distant. Inarticulate. 

Because it’s an endless cycle that’s left me reeling, violently grappling for steady ground.I feel nauseated with the business of arranging letters and organizing stuff Such a tiring affair. I’m drained

and I fear it’s beyond rejuvenation

Askayridnfweoitpqwnqlwiryhodadjfpweotubnaifwuyevfclahsdiuerktkfjkoiyiujbdjwtyquevmcnbvgczfhjsfpoiuytebnasdmnjhkfdfssasidyensnbcviwtybzjalairuepoowdfbkjdbcdwe!!!!!

It’s the closest I can get to having a good scream!!!!

 

What has put me in this down side you are probably wondering… well its a catalogue of things really.

I’m getting so frustrated with everything and everyone in my life lately. Obviously having read my blog about my step daughter you can see that this is getting me down big time… Allan is great don’t get me wrong.. I cant fault him, he is backing me up 100%… He is on her case constantly now.. to the point where despite the fact that she is driving me mad I’m starting to feel sorry for her… WTF??!!

 

Last weekend I was talking to my soulmate we were having a really in-depth chat which always brings me “up” and then I don’t hear from him this week, yes I know he is probably busy but still a simple hi wouldn’t hurt… ok yes he hasn’t been on facebook at all so its not just me he is ignoring. but still its the start of things going downhill as im wondering if I have done or said something wrong!

Ali Not being well also drained me… staying up with him one night and since then lying in bed listening to him cough all night and that paranoid checking on him in the middle of the night is taking its toll.. I feel exhausted… I cant sleep… even silly things are keeping me awake…

Procrastination is my middle name but then I lie awake thinking I must get that form off to the electoral roll for amber living here… I must go and pay that library fine I owe for over due books… I must return the meter reading form for the electric… I must contact the water board over the last bill before we went onto the water meter as there is a discrepancy… I never seem to get round to remembering these things in the day time but at 4am… they are top of the list of things on my mind.

 

The biggest cock up I had this last week was I lost my purse on Friday… .. I went to the chip shop to be honest in a lousy mood because of amber and something she had done that had peeved me. I got back home and Allan was clearing up Ali and changing him as the antibiotics he was given for his chest have given him the runs… and im looking for clean pants and towels etc while trying to dish the chips up to go with the pies I had in the oven cooking…

Now usually I always keep my purse in my bag and take my bag but as it was only going to the chippie in the car i just put my phone and purse in my pocket… I went I got to the chip shop I ordered a large chips and paid….

I remember getting home to the drama… that’s it.

Saturday I was making spag bol and I said to Allan we may need some onions… I went to get my purse from the side where the car keys were and my phone had been the night before as that’s where I thought I had put it and its gone… Allan had bowls so we both looked before he left and while he was gone I looked… I even searched through the bin in case I put it on the cooker top and it had been thrown away with the rubbish..

 

The problem is I had every spare penny we had in it… I had the gas bill money along with the gas card… I had the membership cards for us all for the swallows leisure centre and I had the bank debit card and a credit card in it… plus some other bits that I cant remember at the moment… I have another purse I keep all the cards in and just put in the ones I use at the time in my little purse.. so at least I haven’t lost driving licences and national insurance card etc

But its a big piss off all the same… thankfully we do on-line banking and Allan has another account so with the exception of the cash in the bank for direct debits i transferred everything over to that card so I can at least draw some cash out should I need to..

the credit card was maxed so that’s safe…….

we contacted the bank and credit card and they are sending out replacements.

I will contact the leisure centre tomorrow…

plus I will go to the chip shop and see if I left it in there while I was sitting waiting.. I’m not holding my breath of anyone handing it in not with the cash in it …

 

cards can be sorted but the cash we cant replace and to be honest we are skint at the moment anyway. so not sure what im going to do this week.. I need to top my phone up soon and cant even do that now… which kinda pisses me off….

 

I have a headache which has lasted the last two days and i mean big headache… we went out today to the Dover transport museum and instead of enjoying looking around I just had that thumping and feeling sick.

 

The boys are in bed now ready for school tomorrow and I have just remembered neither of them has done their home learning so wont be able to hand that in either.

Im tired I want to go to bed but cant face it yet..

 

so yes I have had a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week what ever way you want to describe it.

 

Murphy’s law states that anything that can go wrong will go wrong, and if you can’t see anything that could go wrong then you’ve obviously overlooked something.  Well I don’t think Murphy overlooked anything in our house this week. 

Things can only get better… right?!

 

The words of that song go round and round in my head.

 

I’m trying to be optimistic and really hope things can only get better!!

 

 

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