You know, there’s nothing else in the world that quite offsets your life than when you get a bad haircut.


My hair was getting much too long I was getting sweaty it was too short to tie back and too long to be comfortable on a hot summery day… Yes we did have one or two of those,

something had to be done. I had no idea what it was I wanted though, I had one or two pictures of me when I was younger and wanted it cut similar to that.. yes I know I wouldn’t look exactly the same after all, many years and loads of kids have taken their toll but hey should /could get the idea of what I wanted.

I asked my hairdresser friend if she could cut it for me, she had been to college for a couple of years so was more than happy to get the practice when she first started, she has trimmed my hair for the last three years first it was just my ends and then I got brave and asked for a short bob which she did ok as she did it in stages so I could decide on the length at the time, so I admit on the plus side I haven’t had to pay for a hair cut for years and I haven’t had to go into a salon… Now I have always hated going into salons to have my hair cut… to be honest that’s the reason my hair was down to my bum and had been for years and years with me just getting the ends trimmed when I really had to. I remember a hairdresser saying once when I went in for a trim as I sat very nervously in the chair while she washed it ready to trim that I had Tonsurephobia which is the general fear of getting my hair cut.

Anyway back to where I was before I started rambling on.

I wanted something other than the usual bob that my friend seems to always end up doing. I showed her the picture of how I wanted it done, nothing to taxing really, more like a layered mullet but not as long at the back so it didn’t look to 80’s … Yes she says No problem…

And away she starts snipping… there is a lot of hair falling to the ground and bearing in mind my hair was not that long only at the sides I’m starting to think what is she doing… She finishes and says what do you think? I go to the bathroom mirror and notice that one side is about 2 inches shorter than the other… she hasn’t flicked it ,layered it, what ever you call it back but cut it in a dead kind of line… not good… the long side is too long and the short side basically is too short… she says oh I can even that up… and yep cuts the long side shorter than the short side… She says once it has settled down it will be ok, your hair needs to learn how to go this way now… WTF??

At the time I’m thinking what utter bollocks but keep quiet… Off she goes home…

We’ve all had it happen. A haircut gone horribly, horribly wrong , it is a living nightmare. What makes this an earth-shattering event is that you can’t do a thing about it

If it was a bad poodle perm (and yes I had one of those once) you could have the hairdresser relax the curl if they can. If it was a bad dye job you could try to dye it again. But once those scissors have sliced through your hair  even crazy glue can’t re-attach it (Trust me, If I thought it would work I would have tried.)

I go and wash it and then get the hair dressing bag out that I have with straighteners, curling iron, hair dryer etc. and start to work… ok its possible except for one problem.. I am not one of these people who spends hours on my hair every day.. I like to wash and go and that’s it..

I’m not a vain person but I’m starting to get really fed up and down about it… I trim the other side that is short so at least I have both sides matching but I still can’t just wash it and let it dry on its own without having to spend at least an hour styling it,  as I look like I have a peanut head with a bowl on the top kinda haircut. I look on-line and to be honest realise that the only cure for this haircut is to go very very layered short.

I tell Allan and he just does the do what ever you want babe. I don’t think he quite realises that having a bad haircut can be quite traumatic!

That may be down to the fact that he is bald or the fact that he is just a man, I’m not sure which…


Anyway Like I said I looked on-line and decided that the only way to go is to get a very short layered haircut… I find a picture that looks like it would fit in with what hair I have left on the sides now and then find out that it was done by a No. 12 Wahl hair clipper attachment now we have a set of clippers that I use for the boy’s hair and they only go up to number 8 normally so I look on eBay and lo and behold yes there is such a thing as a number 12 attachment so I order away and it arrives a couple of days later…

I ask Allan to start shaving… He does… and there is no hair falling off the side but loads from the top and back… when he is finished or as I suspect gets bored doing it, I notice there is still long chunks on the top… I have a go and DISASTER STRIKES!!! The attachment falls off and the clippers carry on for that half an inch cutting my hair short……. thankfully not right down to the skin as clippers have been known to with no attachment on , so the only way out is to shave my head bald but close enough short for me to think lots of naughty words and have a tear in my eye!


I get the number 8 attachment out of the bag and go over that bit oh crap its shorter than that… I get right down to number 5 attachment, before it matches in evenly so there is no other choice,

Off with the lot on a number 5 attachment! I buzz away until it’s all even… I survey the damage and convince myself it could be worse and  that it’s not the first time I have shaved my head this short… well in fact shorter.. Remember that I mentioned I had a bad bubble perm once… Well the only way I could correct it myself at the time was to shave my head with a number 3 attachment and dye it green thankfully I was a big fan of the sex pistols at the time and it kinda went well with my ripped jean’s punk rock look, with the razor blade earrings etc.. Of course needless to say my mother was not exactly impressed at the time!

The problem is With short hair you have to get a haircut every two or three weeks. And if you’re colouring your hair, you have to colour it that often so I soon got very bored with the green look.


Anyway back to present day…. I’m standing in the bathroom  looking at my hair  in the mirror and I have two choices. I have the fluffy fuzzy look which is not good or the spiky wet look which is marginally better…. either way I look like a Bull dyke 😦


I rack my brains trying to think what else I can do but the only real  option is to colour it so I go to Sally’s  hairdressing supplies down the road from us and buy some purple hair dye… Trouble is If I had done it straight away I would have had to keep colouring it every week as it was growing so I couldn’t do it straight away…

The only redeeming feature of my very thick hair is that it grows quickly.

I am now Living With My Own Personal Bad Haircut 😦

Present day:
It is now the length of that original number 12 attachment… 4 weeks down the line and I’m thinking I can colour it soon I have the purple bottle of hair colour at the ready just waiting until I think I can get away with only having to colour it every 3 weeks

I have this feeling now of Déjà vu going back 35 years or so , only we were talking vivid green then.

I’m still wetting it every day because if I don’t now it really goes fuzzy… I’m going to carry on letting it grow and hopefully by Christmas it will look like something presentable again,  well hopefully not like some big fat Bull Dyke!! (No offence to any Big Fat Bull Dykes reading)

 I know one think I have learned, I will only ever go to a salon from now on to get a hair cut…

This of course may be in quite a few years!
And then there is my phobia to be taken into account… Although I think this recent experience may help me get over that fear if it will mean my hair will be cut properly in the future!


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