Down in the dumps, It must be the Birthday Blues

I’m Getting older again!!!

I guess the birthday curse is finally catching up with me.

For some reason I am just not excited the way I used to be years ago when I was a kid about the whole birthday thing. Funny really because when I was a kid birthdays were never a big thing.. I never had parties, well one and that was a major disaster when I was little as some kids nanny took over…

My birthday has always been close to Christmas so I usually got some crappy clothes or something.. If I wanted something big it was a combined birthday and Christmas present which of course I got at Christmas..

Yes we got one present and a stocking at Christmas… so I had to choose wisely.

Despite all that I still used to jump up and down with joy the whole so called birthday week and the counting of days till the actual day.

I guess I am just getting old and turning into a boring old Hag minus the wrinkles!! lol!!! Ok if I wasn’t so fat there would be wrinkles, well more than I have anyway.

For the past few days I am feeling heavy hearted about so many things that I should have done and the things I regret doing. Damn!! I don’t do the things I should have and the things I did just makes me regret about doing it!!! I guess that’s LIFE!! Always running towards the things you don’t have and when you have it you just regret having it isn’t it??? I am thinking all the not so intelligent things at the moment and it’s cracking me up literally!!

 

I saw someone post a quote yesterday and this kind of has meaning today because seriously I don’t know if I can even explain how I am feeling.

 

I am not a materialistic person honestly I am not… whenever I have spare money to spend it goes on the kids, House or Allan, I have spent over £100 just on Allan this year for Christmas.. what with his Arsenal membership, Then he wanted a compressor, then it was some hair grooming kit… WTF?? the twat is bald….. Oh its for other bits to trip away.. Then I have a t shirt for him because he knows about the other bits.. oh and some smellies plus no doubt I will pick up a bottle of Jamesons for him as well…

 

I have saved up some cash and transferred it over to a bank card for him so he could have some cash to actually buy me a present.. but I know so far that all but £15 has been spent on other bits.. £20 alone for bits for the puppy.. then he needed petrol… as you see… £50 has now gone down to £15 and I can guarantee that the rest will be spent on something that Allan needs to get…

 

He had at least 50 on another card as well but can also guarantee that it will be spent on stuff he wants.

 

Last year my dad bought Allan a razor which cost well over £130 I know because I ordered it for my dad… I got £20… but because we had been invited to a party and Allan had nothing to wear.. we ended up spending it on a jacket to match his suit trousers…… I will get it back he says… One year on I am still waiting…..

 

Anyway… Its like Déjà vu

My dad has this clothing catalogue, chums, Its mostly mens wear but there are some bits for women. he brought it round the other day and said if there is anything you want let me know.. I look. I looked to be honest it was full of granny shit.. nothing I was interested in… Allan saw some long john’s and said he would get those… so dad comes round… asks about it… Allan shows him the long john’s oh and some vests… (where the fuck did vests come from?) total price £74… Allan says oh we can have a pair each… Like I want fucking long john’s…

Ordered… dad says there you go that’s your birthday present…

 

Happy Birthday to me… I am now the proud owner of a suit jacket from last year and two pairs of long john’s and two fucking vests this year

 

 I know I am a hard person to buy for..

Like I said I am not really that materialistic when it comes to stuff for me…

I like to choose my own clothes and shoes etc so hate it when people buy me stuff like that… I am not a smellies kind of person.. I have bottles and bottles of perfume upstairs that I have accumulated over the years. I don’t want kitchen bits because I have practically everything there could ever be invented and If I don’t have it, its because I don’t want it or need it. Besides again its something I would rather buy myself.

 No point in buying me chocolates…… Allan and the kids usually end up eating them as of course I am expected to share… Allan picked me up a box of chepo choc’s one year on mothers day.. It had 4 in it… (last min rush over the shop just before it closed on mothering sunday of course)  yep 4 in it  one each…..

Music and Dvd’s I can download myself… (One year Allan bought me the brand new UB40 cd because it would be nice to have the original instead of a downloaded one, guess who is the big UB40 fan in the house)

See where I am going with this.. I know I am not an easy person to buy for…

but for fuck sake I am getting sick and tired of being the only person in the world who gets a card bought on their birthday.. if I am lucky from the shop because he never has time to buy one.. or the money…

Just for once it would be nice to have a little something just for me, something I didn’t expect, something that a little thought had been put into it… I try and do this for everyone else.. I always try and make birthdays special in some way…

I do this because I know what its like to have such a crappy day..

 

My dad is and never has been a big birthday card sender my mum used to be the one who dealt with all that..

 

And Of course Allan never thinks to get me a card from the kids, I think this is what usually gets to me the most…

I have had 8 kids… 7 living and I don’t get a card from any of them… The older ones I have long ago given up thinking about receiving cards from.. I know its not going to happen again in my lifetime..

 Why am I feeling so Down????

Maybe its because I’m going to be 50 this year..

Who knows!!

Maybe its because both boys have been unwell, its half term and because I am now full of cold and everything seems to be getting on top of me.

Maybe its because in the last week or so we have ended up with another dog.. which is something I really did not want as I know the hard work with the training etc…

Maybe its because we have ended up baby sitting two more snakes while someone else has to sort their lives out.. Ok I know snakes are no trouble and they are going on top of the wall unit but still its something else we have to take responsibility for in the house.

 

Maybe its because I just cant seem to get on top of things at the moment.. what with Christmas approaching.. Finances being tight…

 

Maybe its because I am just a miserable cow..

 

Wine… Wine is the answer… I have bought myself some Wine…..

Yes I even like to buy my own wine as I know which one I like and there are so many I don’t. 

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