You have to laugh

 

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my other half that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it’s not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

 

‘If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.

 

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. ‘How long will this take? I asked.

 

‘They will grow larger over a period of years, my partner replies.

 

I stopped. ‘Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?

 

Without missing a beat he says ‘Worked for your butt, didn’t it?

 

He’s still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.

 

Stupid, stupid man.

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