The Dreaded Lurgy!!

What is it with kids and their ability to pass on their germs with such ease. Ever since she moved in with us Amber has had a constant cold, mind you even when she was little they were always sniffing and coughing. she gave it to Ali first and he was really bad now he has got over it I have now contracted the ‘dreaded lurgy’ ie I have a sore throat, headache and that lovely feeling like someone is sitting on your chest!! this morning when I woke up I felt like my lungs were being squashed flat….

I really feel like poop. The problem is this is the same time as last year when I got bronchitis or pneumonia depending on which doctor at the time you were listening too the last one who finally gave me the right antibiotics and with the Prednisolone decided that it was indeed pneumonia and I should of been in hospital anyway as I was saying the problem is I am terrified of getting it back again, I have distanced myself from anyone with germs.. the boys have been fine .. Now the germs have entered the house and here I am with the Lurgy..

 

For those who don’t know what The Lurgy it. . I will explain, it’s not a cold and it’s not the flu’ but something in-between. A general feeling of not-wellness, often manifesting as snotters and croaky voice, a cough that can be “productive” but also dry. Aching bones, zero energy and a desire to crawl back into bed and stay there. It ebbs and flows like a pestilential (is that even a word?) tide. You think you’re on the mend and then it’s back.

I have the lurgy, and the worse thing about having a lurgy is that I know full well there are plenty of things I can dose myself up with on the market but non of them really work and I have to be careful what I take because of my asthma. So most of the time its a get on with things but feel terrible kinda feeling…

 

Unlike Man Flu this means I still have to get on with everything from getting the kids up and off to school to doing dinner, washing etc.. picking kids up and helping with home learning.. you know .. Life goes on!

 Although this may be the reason why I am taking everything to heart at the moment..  I feel crap!  Its one of those I want my mummy feelings but she’s not here!

 

I know one thing I am going to go to bed early if I get the chance!

Domestic havoc

Looking around this house and it’s messy…..again.

The party of summer is over, and the groove of school is upon us. we are in the the third week back now…

Anyways  My house is a mess.  A time-consuming, fixable mess that I resent having to clean.
Everywhere I look I see visual chaos – stacks of books on the landing, clothes that need to be folded and put away upstairs now I have brought them in from the washing line.
I have said it before but I fear that I am one pile away from being a guest star on Hoarders.
You may say I am slightly exaggerating . It really isn’t that bad but to me It is.

I spent hours cleaning, folding washing and feeling organised on the weekend only to turn around and find it messy again. 

In fact yesterday I cleaned up again, but you wouldn’t know it today. There’s popcorn, paper, clothes and towels all over the floor and dishes to be done (I just loaded the dishwasher last night, how did they all get dirty again?).

I have bed wetting washing to do….Again (when will that ever end I have had all these kids and not one was a bed wetter until I had Ali, ). I have been told its a possibility because he is autistic… I know its not every night in fact its only once every couple of weeks, just when we think we have cracked it.. we get the accident, 😦

I really don’t want to do any of it and am feeling quite overwhelmed by the constant chores that seem to invade my life. I have Allan at home with me at the moment and yes he helps but not much… he will do an odd DIY job for me and then make twice as much mess as there was before, he never puts anything away… he will start big jobs like sorting all he books out on the shelves in our room… stack 100’s up on the landing to go into the loft and that’s as far as its got. Having a teenager girl… Well 20 next march is not much help either as she just makes more mess, I have never known anyone trash a bathroom like she can when she has a shower… she used soap… I mean WTF.. who uses soap nowadays?? we all use shower gel or bath cream but not her she uses soap and its always covered in hair. EWWWEEE!

I know how my parents felt now as she gets up, showers, goes out… (I used to work but she just goes out with friends and boyfriend) she comes in late at night and I’m talking 2 or 3 am and has her dinner.. I leave he’s in the microwave so at least I know she has eaten something. an old saying was brought to my attention the other day by a friend… “you treat this place like a hotel” I am now holding back from saying it as I remember my mother saying that to me.

Oh And then there is the washing just put by the machine for it to magically be done for her ready to wear next time. I can feel the annoyance kicking in and these feelings simmer within me as I attempt to clean and clear up and am continually met by extra demands of the boys, the man, the step daughter. I am desperately trying to stay calm and not take my annoyance out on the kids honest, but I feel my attempts becoming very strained. This anger and annoyance is sitting in my throat, just waiting to escape by way of yelling, slamming something down, or simply falling apart momentarily.

I’m hormonal after a fact in that I am nearly 50 but still not gone completely through the change.. (that’s not helping), I’m annoyed, I couldn’t be bothered and all I want to do is sit down with a cup of tea and watch a dvd or go on the pc and go on facebook,  in the comfort of a nice clean house and no interruptions. In an ideal world we would win the lottery and I would have “Staff” clear up after everyone So what do I do? Firstly, stop. Right now, stop in my tracks, take a few deep breaths and reflect on what I’ve been thinking. Look at this opening paragraph. It is full of conversation that is in conflict with the reality of what is presently going on and the reality of life as a parent. It is this resistance of reality that is causing my stress and the simmering emotion of anger. Anger is caused because we enter into these conversations in our minds about how something shouldn’t be the way that it is. We are in conflict between what is and what we believe it ‘should’ be. The house is messy right now! This is reality. As part of the agreement made between me and my partner when he was in full time employment, and how we share the workload, I am responsible for the upkeep of the house, him the garden and the DIY jobs,

This is reality. The kids need me to help them with things. This is reality. As a mum there is lots of tasks that I need to do. This is reality. This is not the only part of my life. It is just parts of the goods and bads that come with everything in life. That is also reality. There is no point allowing myself to enter into conversations in my mind about how it should be different to the way that it is and how I don’t want to do it, because this is only going to cause me to feel angry and resentful. Do I really want to feel angry or resentful? Do I enjoy having these feeling? Of course not I love my boys more than anything in the world. So if the reality is that you have to do the housework and are regularly interrupted, how are you going to stop feeling angry or resentful? Change the way I think about it.

The first thing I need to do when I start to notice how bad I feel, is to shift my focus from what isn’t happening, to the reality of the situation, and then on to what I’m going to do about this new reality. So how can I look at this situation differently? What are the good aspects to my life that I can focus on? I get to be a stay at home mum. I have a partner who doesn’t care about a bit of mess here and there and doesn’t pressure me to keep it pristine clean. I have two healthy, happy boys. I am grateful that I even have so many things that it can make a house messy. I have a roof over my head. There was a time when I had the clothes I stood up in and nothing else.. I had lost the lot. This is good.

I can feel that heavy feeling in my body starting to lift. This part of my life is not the only part of my life. I went out the other day, I met up with friends for coffee, I had a bath the other night and relaxed, last night the kids were in bed early and I got to watch Master chef and the cupcake girls, sometimes my house is clean,

I always make sure I cook or provide a proper meal for the boys, that I am up to date with the washing so they wear clean clothes to school every day, I get quiet time 5 days a week when the kids are at school but then I have to go out, be it shopping or socialising. So what am I now going to do? Well because I changed my thinking to being back in alignment with reality and have consciously decided to look at the situation from a different more expanded perspective, I am now ready to tackle the reality of the messy house again.

Do I like it? No.

Am I going to all of a sudden love doing housework and chores? No. But I’m not feeling angry and overwhelmed by it. The house may be untidy at times, but then my boys are happy, we go out as a family, I get to see my friends, I don’t have to spend hours every day totally cleaning the house top to bottom because that is what is expected of me. I have stopped expecting it of myself. Yes it gets me down when the place looks like a bomb has hit it and no one does anything to the point where they would rather step over a book back or pair of shoes on the floor rather than pick it up.. ok in all fairness Allan does help out especially when I was ill. but then he is also guilty of making a lot of the mess.

Do I intend to spend my whole life picking up after them… NO… will I try to make time to tidy up when they are at school… Probably… Maybe……. It depends…

Now, time to stop writing and start cleaning! or I could just do something else!!  I’ll get to it later.


Got some Major catching up to do!

 

Well, what an end to the Easter Holidays!
It’s been quite A rollercoaster of events and no time for blogging.
So get yourself a cup of tea –
I have a feeling this blog may be a long one as we catch up on events from the past few weeks.

 

 Are you sitting comfortably?
Then I shall begin …

We had some fantastic weather the last week the kids were at school, it wasn’t bad the first five days they were off school but since then we have had nothing but cold and overcast, its seems the clouds had rolled in and we’ve been treated to week of over cast, cold weather, sometimes the clouds were so black I thought we were going to have some torrential rain… but no… we had five min’s of rain and that’s it…. the clouds moved on by…. And the hose pipe ban has come into force…. This will of course affect the garden this summer and what is going to be grown in it, Veg wise  But I will blog about that another day.

The problem with this weather is what to do with the kids..   Alex had decided that he wanted to take a break from his Karate so we agreed he could have the Easter Break off…  As it goes the Wednesday before they broke up from school he was really under the weather anyway so he has had three weeks off which to be honest has done him good I think he was getting over tired from it and its given his knee’s and legs a rest as well.  (one day I will go into what’s actually wrong with him in more detail )

The first week they were off we took them to the Chatham dockyard which they loved going back to, and of course their old favourite the spitfire and RAF Manston museum.
The other trip I had planned for them was on the Sittingbourne and Kemsley Light Railway
http://www.sklr.net/
for a trip but sadly that was cancelled because asbestos was found in a pipe running adjacent to the railway.

 

Chatham Dockyard in the roof of the big space

 

Chatham Dockyard

 

RAF Manston Museum

 

As it goes that day it was cold anyway so the boys were happy having a chill day.

We did go out to the park a couple of times so it wasn’t a bad week.

On the way up the park

 

A quick kick around

Oh and we went on an Easter egg hunt as well to Riverside Country Park, we also took our neighbours son Adam with us.. With the exception of him running off (but was found) the boys really enjoyed the trail although I have to say while the 20 odd questions were actually very hard for youngsters the prize was not very good at all, A little Mini Egg… I think next year I will find somewhere else to take them to.

 

Finding the Clues and Answering the Questions..

Collecting their naff prize either a silly plastic toy or a mini egg... wow and the trail took two hours for that?!?

 

 

 

Sunday of course was Easter Sunday now I am not religious at all but I do know what its like for kids when all their friends at school go on about how they got this and that on religious holidays so I have never deprived my boys of Christmas and Easter… except for the fact that its more an end of year present giving and pig out… and Easter is chocolate egg weekend lol

And with that in mind I decided that this year I would make them a basket each instead of just buying a chocolate egg, I was actually quite impressed with them.

Their eggs and baskets I made


I think this will become a new tradition in the house…… Maybe next year I wont do all chocolate though… I may add a little treat in instead.

 

Having been ill Again 😦 I am now back on the sofa although I am recovering much better this time.. thankfully it’s not gone onto my chest completely just more of a cold and cough. I have been told I have a very weak immune system since I got bronchitis last year and need to build myself up so I am now on a course of some major Vitamin  and iron and omega 3 capsules and it all seems to be helping as I am now fighting this bug off on my own without needing huge amounts of antibiotics and I am just about managing to cope in the day.

 

Alex has been asking to go to an amusement park for a while now and the idea of Alton towers really filled me with dread as I knew it would cost fortunes and the boys wouldn’t be able to go on much, however there is one place I had forgotten about until someone reminded me the other day when they were posting some pictures… Southend Adventure Island…  It’s Ideal Not that far from home… its wrist band entry so not silly money… So I looked on-line and they were doing a deal on wrist bands which can be used any time in the year so I have bought a couple of the red bands for them and I am tempted while they are on offer to get a couple of the green ones,  If the boys are too tall for the red ones then I can always upgrade them and if they are too small for the greens ones then Allan can go on the rides with them…. (Did you notice I said Allan there… well he knows nothing about it yet lol ). The good thing is they don’t run out until the end of 2012 so will save them for special treats when the weather does eventually get better…

 http://www.adventureisland.co.uk/

Today is the last day off before the boys go back to school on Monday. I have to say on one hand I’m looking forward to it so I can start getting the house in some order but on the other hand not only is it back to the dreaded school run (which I may have mentioned I hate 🙄 ) but I will miss the boys… Although Ali has certainly had his challenging moments over the last two weeks.

 

Yesterday I had a trial run of a cake to make for this Cake Meeting… the theme is fruit and veg. so I thought the cake should contain both so had made an eggplant cake with strawberries… different and not that bad… We will also be making a carrot and ginger cake with lemon frosting.. Again Fruit and Veg…

 

I have noticed that the host is making an apple cake…. where is the veg in that… When I go if that is wall she has done I will ask what is the point in having a theme such as fruit and veg if it can be either after all anyone can make a normal carrot cake or a fruit cake..

 

Eggplant and Strawberry Cake

 

Oh and I will remember to put them right about who did most of the baking of the last cake…

I have a feeling I wont be invited again afterwards lol Anyway Hopefully I am caught up now and can try and get some sleep seeing as its now 3.08am   Yawn!!!

Night Folks!!!

Im Struggling here!!

No Seriously I feel about 90 years old,
I cant even joke about this now, I’m losing the will to live..
Just as I thought I was getting better my chest has got bad again,
I can hardly walk, I’m in so much pain from my feet as well as my hips, I feel like I’m an old lady!
the only time I can shuffle around is if im wearing a pair of old plimpsols I had, but I cant go to bed in them…….. and when its time to get up the pain upon standing is unreal, Im back to popping pills again left right and centre 😦

This is not me……….. I dont like being the miserable one…  I may be a bad tempered bitch but I dont like wallowing in self pity… but ffs………….. Come One!! Enough Already!!

Allan was going to ask Andy for the wheelchair back that we lent to him when his mum had her accident over a year ago, but I so don’t want to use it as I know once I do I’m actually wondering if I would get out of it again!.
2012 is supposed to be the year of getting myself sorted but things seem to be getting worse by the day!

As you can tell again its 3.14 am and Im wide awake… Insomnia has crept back in….
Oh and Allan has man flu……….
Just want I need!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Had one bit of good luck this week but not going to jinx it yet!!

I spoke too soon :-( oh and be warned dont look if squemish!!

It’s 3.36am……………. Bollocks!!!!!!!!!!

Why am I up you ask……..Well actually you didn’t ask but as its my blog I will tell you anyway

I have been up coughing, and now finally admitted defeat and came downstairs…

At least I’m still making it up stairs… one up on last time..

Seriously though I really don’t want this to go to my chest again, apart from the fact that I’m down to my last inhaler it’s nearly empty and I’m not due for a repeat prescription until the end of the month 😦

I found some antibiotics so have been dosing myself up to get me through to monday when I can see if I can be fitted in at the quacks… got to go anyway as I can hardly walk, My eczema  is back with a vengeance especially on my feet well one foot in particular… only this time its spread to the sole as well making walking impossible practically so im hobbling around with bandages wrapped round my feet like an old lady… Plus my hands are sore…   its got to the point where my hands and feet are dry cracked and bleeding and im in constant pain… yes my fault I should have gone to the doctors but after the visits before christmas I am fed up going there….

I know what’s to blame but I’m not getting rid of him despite my asthma being the worst its been in 7 years and my eczema flaring up again I had it all summer and eventually went to the doctors and got loads of steroid creams then it calmed down a lot although didn’t go but I had it years ago say about  ten years…  Yep I’m majorly allergic to dogs.. 😦

oh well, fingers crossed we can get this sorted soon………….. 

I know its unhealthy to google but personally I think the doctors are wrong it’s not eczema I have but psoriasis, it makes more sense, looks more like mine does..  which would explain why the creams and steroids i was given before never worked.

This picture was taken when it was at its worst at the top of my foot… now its like that on top but also the soles of my feet are covered in a hard scaly skin which is splitting, cracked and bleeding..

 

 

even my hands are getting worse..

The worst thing is I want to start exercising a bit more and I can’t even walk across the room at the moment or stand for more than a couple of mins without being in pain..  2012 is the year to get myself sorted.

asthma under control again,

eczema or whatever it is sorted.

weight sorted.

all not good when you are diabetic… another thing I think needs reviewing by the doctors..  I’m wondering if I’m changing from type 2 to type 1 slowly now .. maybe that would explain why I’m taking forever to heal and am so run down!!

watch this space I think its serious hassle to doctors, wish I could just have one long appointment and discuss everything instead of this stupid one item per visit kinda thing!!!

Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired…

 

I must sound like a broken record. I know people must get sick of hearing about it, because I get sick of saying it,

Today, I am very sick, I feel like death. Yes I have been out for the last two days. Yesterday to go shopping and today I took the boys out to Hornby visitor Centre.. (more about that in another post)

It’s now been almost four months that I’ve been suffering with my Asthma flare up combined chest infection, There’s goodish days and bad days, there’s better but not perfect days and REALLY bad days. It does get to you after a while. You don’t have the energy you used to have, just going to a few stores and walking around gets you completely and utterly exhausted and can’t breath, My inhaler has become an oxygen tank, I can’t leave the room without it never mind the house.. There’s days when I really get depressed….but I try to think about the positives. , I am a stay at home mum I know A lot of people who are sick do not get that luxury. Many of them have to force themselves to go to work no matter how absolutely horrible they feel. I’m just trying to rest my body as much as I can, I stay away from going out in the cold air as that has given me trouble in the past, and I’m basically just waiting it out. until the warmer weather gets here or I can shake it once and for all. Problem is I will soon have to do the school run again… oh Joy!!

 

Some of the hardest days as a mum are when you are sick. You want to be a kid again and snuggle up on the couch all day. I am always taken back to when I was a kid, and had my mum waiting on me hand and foot all day long when I was sick. She would make tomato soup and anything else soft that could be swallowed easily if I had a sore throat, We would listen to the radio and sleep as much as I wanted. I miss being a child when I’m sick.

So what happens when Mummy gets sick? Well, we still have responsibilities, don’t we? Our husbands/Partners still go to work, we have to watch our kids and get their meals, take them to school, wash clean and later make sure they have been in the bath and then put them to bed. And we just have to push through being sick. But it’s not easy, I’m not going to lie. You can’t sleep in, or sleep all day, or just lay around the entire day. And you still are waiting on your kids hand and food while you’re sick.

No sick days for mummy. We can be sick, but we can’t call in sick.

 

It’s sickie season. I’m ready to be feeling better so my job as mummy is easier.

 

What do you do when you are really sick and your kids aren’t? Carry on that is what!!

Ok yes Allan has helped out as much as he can but I can’t expect him to do everything!

I wish it was as easy as saying

I have decided that tomorrow I WILL be better.

 

I never really realised how much I actually rely on oxygen until I started to suffer a shortage. Funny that. Don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.

I guess I am truly addicted to blogging now. Because I can’t sleep and I had to rush right  here to the computer and tell you all about it.

For one thing, I had to take some cough medicine, Usual dose a huge swig from the bottle, and have a few hits on my ventolin (otherwise known as my oxygen tank now)
Sure enough, I still have some sort of chest thing going on still It was diagnosed as chronic Bronchitis , yep since last October I have had this on and off but mostly on! Its getting a vicious circle now… Prednisolone , Mega antibiotics, feel better for a week and then wheezing and coughing again, After having 5 lots of medicine now you would think I would have beaten it but NO!! still struggling to breathe especially if I go outside or even upstairs. I was told the next time I went to the doctors it would be in hospital. Which Of course I can’t do… The slight matter of children and christmas , you know what I mean. 

Anyway I have a friend coming Friday evening for a visit who we haven’t seen for a long time but I do remember this person is a total hypochondriac at the best of times so This person with such frequency had taken to calling and asking about our health before they will commit to actually coming. .. 🙄

So It would be deeply remiss of me not to send them on their way without first giving them some horrible infectious disease. (evil grin) So of course I wont mention that I indeed am still suffering with this chest infection/Bronchitis which in their eyes would leave them fighting death for three weeks. (Selfish of them. Really.) 😆

Seriously though if it was contagious the kids and Allan and everyone else would have been ill by now.  Actually I have to say For the last few months Allan has been great and helped out a lot… Oh and Nagged for me to go back to the doctors…. and Nagged and Nagged…
I have to admit though it is really getting me down… I’m not even able to go upstairs to sleep again. I’m stuck on the sofa.. spending half the night awake again coughing.
Maybe if I still haven’t shaken it I will get back to the doctors after the new years But No Way Before!!

I have to confess though A tiny little part of me really hopes that it’s not the start of COPD as that was one of the things my mum suffered from and eventually was listed as one of the causes of death although not a major factor as she had some other serious shit going on!!

 Yes ok I have given up smoking for a long time now but the damage could have been done..  But Nah cant be that
Can it?…….