Things you forget to do when someone passes away.

When my dad passed away I was left with dealing with all the accounts,   closing bank accounts, dealing with the utilities, tax and council tax, all the usual stuff and thought I had covered everything. that was until the other day when I was in Sainsburys and used my nectar card.  

The lady at the till informed me that I had loads of points on my card, which I knew as we were saving them up. and I suddenly realised that I had used my dads card which I had in my purse as I was the one who always took him shopping and we used the same card all the time. Allan has a nectar account as well and I am an additional card holder on that so I had taken out the wrong card when I was in the shop.  
So I went online to customer services to let them know that he was deceased and explained that I had used his card by mistake and put points on it recently even though he passed in April.

The guy I spoke to was great.  asked me some security questions about my dads account which I knew and then said as I was next of kin that all points could be transferred over to my account, and my dad’s account would be closed.. he also said that there was an additional card holder on the account.  he  informed me that there was an additional card holder on the account and I realised that was my mums card who passed away over 11 years ago.

So now both cards are cancelled, the account closed and points accumulated will be transferred over to my account in 24 hours. 

So full credit to nectar for being so helpful.

Now I’m sitting here wondering what else I have forgotten to close……..

nectar_card

So much to catch up on

I’ll be honest so much has gone on since last year that I’ve not been in the frame of mind to do anything for months. the run up to Christmas was hectic, between school activities, working, courses and the usual preparations
But Christmas itself was lovely. We spend half the day with my dad over for xmas dinner. Little did we know it would be the last. And then in the evening we had friends over with their little girls and we had a great time-sharing presents. Boxing day was the same. Hectic and a time for friends.  After a couple of false Alarms in the following week. My gorgeous grandson was born on new year’s day. I was so honoured to be there at his birth. Wow things are so different from the other end of things.  After that things went downhill for us.
The head gasket went on Allan’s car and it was declared deceased and of course just after xmas finances or lack of them meant that we couldn’t afford to fix or replace it. Ali got chicken pox and had spots everywhere so missed nearly two weeks of school and then at the beginning of Feb my dad wasn’t feeling well. So went home early after his usual visit in the morning. I spoke to him in the evening and he said he was feeling  a bit better. The next morning we hadn’t heard from him by 10am so went round the flat to find him collapsed on the floor. This resulted in him being taken to hospital. For the next 5 weeks I spent everyday bar three going back and forth to the main hospital in Medway which is about a half hour drive away. and then he was transferred to St Thomas’ hospital in London. So I spent another 3 weeks going back and forth to London, sadly the day before his birthday he passed away. During the whole time he was in hospital i was still having to go around his flat everyday to feed his fish and check mail etc. So three days before his funeral I am boxing stuff up as we had to clear the flat and I  trip over his mobility scooter and hurt my foot. Somehow after sitting down for an hour. I decided to man up and managed to drive home in the landrover.  The next day I was still in a lot of pain so off we went to the hospital to find out I had broken my foot in three places and cracked my heel.  So they put a cast on and told me to go back to the fracture clinic in ten days. So I ended up going to the funeral in my dad’s wheelchair. Thankfully after the ten days when I went back I had the choice, another cast for 6 weeks or an Air boot for 10 weeks. I chose the boot as I can at least take it off at night. As we arrived home I went to get out of the car and as I was getting my crutches out of the back of the car Allan shut the door on the car and caught my fingers in it.. resulting in a broken finger as well,  you have to laugh., anyway back to the boot.  At least  I take it off at night and every time I sit down although I’m not supposed to really. only to have a bath and at night after the first two weeks but of course I pay no attention to that lol . Unfortunately, it means I can’t do much in the house so we are sitting with boxes of my dads bits everywhere. Our bedroom is a store-room as I can’t get upstairs anyway (we are both sleeping on the sofa) and that’s about brought me up to date. I went back to my maths course on Monday afternoons last week  ( I’d  not been since Jan) Allan had to drop me off and pick me up as I can’t drive. But other than that ive not done anything else apart from numerous visits to solicitors to sort out my dad’s affairs with my brother. So that’s about it. Nothing else has gone on really.  So basically with the exception of Darren my grandson’s birth. This year sucks big time.

me holding Darren minutes after he was born

me holding Darren minutes after he was born

getting Darren dressed for the first time.

getting Darren dressed for the first time.

broken foot with the cast

broken foot with the cast

my Air boot until the end of June at least

my Air boot until the end of June at least

broken fingers it could only happen to me.

broken fingers it could only happen to me.

A devastating day

So much has happened since I last posted and I have been both busy and lazy. I have had highs and lows and maybe I will be able to do a full update sooner or later but Today I had to make to most difficult decision I have ever made in my life and say my final goodbye to the only man who has stood by me through thick and thin, who I admit in my younger years, I have probably put through hell and back quite a few times, but he has always been there to pick up the piece’s no matter what mistakes I made or trouble I got into.  He in turn has driven me to distraction at times, but that has never stopped me loving him. He has been the best granddad the boys could ever have asked for and loved my step daughter’s Amberleigh and Tammy as much as his own grandchildren. He was so pleased to become a great granddad to Ambers little boy Darren born on New Year’s day this year, and I’m so thankful he got to meet him. My dad has worn my mum’s wedding ring around his neck since she passed away 10 years ago and now they are finally together again. I don’t know how I would have got through today without the help of good friends lovely messages and thanks to  Michael Wass and Vampette Caz Smith who looked after the boys today while we went to the hospital, and the support from my better half,  Allan who was with me holding my hand as we sat with my dad while he slipped away to join my mum. Thanks to everyone who has offered support and sympathy you are the best and I love you all. Dad we are going to miss you but I couldn’t bare to see you in pain for any longer. I will always love you.

Whats Happening?

Well Not a lot to be honest……….. Allan has been working especially at weekends so we haven’t really been out and about much…….

Alex has got the cooking bug so at least three times a week he is cooking dinner………… 

We got the results of the Kent Test (11 plus) he took back in September….  and he passed  but has changed his mind about going to the grammar school, well we hope he has…….. I haven’t put it on the preferences for senior school choice but there again I’m not holding my breath for the school I do want him to go to as I want him to go to Westlands, Yes I know its had some bad press but at the end of the day its had excellent ofsted reports. I know the school, it has been kept up with the times and looks clean and modern in comparison to the grammar school which doesn’t look like its had a coat of paint since my oldest went there to look around.  but I have been told that westlands have an intake priority to get in..
1.  Local Authority
2. Siblings
3. Regis Manor
4. Westlands Primary
5. Maths Aptitude test….. (sadly Alex’s worst subject)
6 surrounding villages such as Iwade, and Newington
And then
7. Other areas and applicants……
And although it’s the closest senior school to us oddly we don’t fall under the catchment area… that is for Fulston Manor..
I know I have the right to appeal but I have a feeling its going to be a battle…..

We will have to wait and see now until March.

Its getting close to the end of term now and I can tell, the boys are getting tired… unfortunately we are not going to be able to go and do much over the holidays as I have to take my dad up to London to St Thomas Hospital on Monday  for  more cardio appointments…….. I’m hoping that I can go for a walk across westminster bridge and around the houses of parliament while dad is in the hospital.    Tuesday I  have to take Ali to his asthma consultant appointment at Medway hospital,  Wednesday is Alex’s doctors appointment… Thursday Ali opticians and take the old man shopping and I’m sure there was something I had to do Friday…..  Hopefully we will be able to take the boys somewhere.. or at least I will..  otherwise its going to be a very boring half term.

Other than that . Not a lot going on at the moment…….

Hate this time of year after a busy summer………… I’m busy because I’m doing my courses……. I’m now teaching on a Friday with Adults instead of children……..  So much better as I wasn’t keen on the idea of working with kids……….  Mine I tolerate…everyone else’s I can’t stand 😉 (joke) I think………….   We have stopped the cardboard collecting and to be honest there is a rather nasty atmosphere at the scouts at the moment I will go into more detail when I find out what’s going on but lets just say after we have given it our all for the last two years we are feeling rather peeved at the moment.. I have kept away and Allan just goes on a Thursday as assistant cub leader……. 

Time will tell if my theory is right………..

Willies Willies and Fucking Willies, or Not as the case may be lol

Seriously if it wasn’t bad enough with my dad and his water works problems and having to have a catheter put in, taken off, put in, taken off and again today put back in again. 
Today I spent yet another day at the hospital from 7am when we got there and they took that catheter out until gone 4pm when yes it was put back in again because my dad cant pee. 
Now after said device had been fitted yet again the nurse asked me to have a chat.  She explained that there is no physical reason why he can’t pee on his own, they have done every test in the book and bladder scans.   She personally thinks because he is on water pills because of his heart which left him in a place where he was peeing constantly and on several occasions had the odd accident (generally because he couldn’t be bothered to go) she thinks that he actually prefers having the catheter fitted as its easier for him,  Yes it’s that easy that he even forgets to empty the damn thing and has had the odd accident that way as well.

A Catheter bag hitting overflow in Asda’s is not the thing you want to see…… In fact the only way I can describe it is …  A woman in labour and her waters going… 
That was no woman that was my father………. 

Personally I think he is forgetting as I swear he is getting more and more senile.  I can tell him something like I will be half an hour late coming around this evening as I have to take the boys to a party, or something and within 5 mins of me being late I will be getting calls on my mobile asking where I am?  Or I will tell him like I had yesterday that I had to take Allan to the hospital to the same department and wont be able to pop around in the day but I had arranged for the district nurse to come out to change his bag.  We get back and there are 22 calls on the phone……….  asking… No demanding to know where I am and why I haven’t popped around, and then another one saying a district nurse popped round by chance…
Arrrggghhh..  I have pointed out his short-term memory loss and been told in no uncertain terms I have no idea what I am talking about and he is fine!

The thing is he has never had problems before until the day after his op, If you have no idea what I’m on about you have to back track to the link below.

A week later! Some things can never be unseen!

Anyway as I was saying … Today I was at the hospital all day because on one persons Willie related problems and yesterday I was there with Allan.  Why ??

Allan also has problems.

 I had to take Allan up to Medway Hospital because he has had pain in his kidneys and has had a stinging sensation and peeing blood. :/  so he got a fast track appointment to have a camera poked yep in his Willie and of course that prostrate examination, you know the kind… the one where he really should have at least asked her name first……

I had lived my whole life without seeing a prostrate examination in person and to be honest I could quite happily have carried on in my ignorance… Now I have seen not one person but two have one in the space of a month.

Of course.  He also had to have a camera poked in places no man would ever want… lets just say it stings a lot more when he pee’s now than it did before he went to the hospital.
Again……….  There are some things I would rather not have seen………

Thankfully there was nothing untoward spotted and it was as I had suggested to Allan it may have been… A kidney infection so Man Up…….
I bet he wishes he had now lol

Sadly my dads dilemma will carry on as he has been much to his disgust refereed to another clinic to try and get him used to going without his golden bag. Which means of course that I will be driving him around for the near future… Actually probably forever because I somehow have a feeling that the DVLA are going to be reluctant to give him back his driving licence. 

A week later! Some things can never be unseen!

About a week has now passed since I last posted………….

After calling and explaining to the  receptionist at the district nurses office at 9.30am when they opened,  she said they would get a nurse to call me back (have you ever tried getting hold of someone at the weekend?) 
so  I waited and waited in the end about 11.30am by which time I was getting quite worried so  I called the hospital ward that Dad was on and explained again what has happened, and they told me to call his doctor.  (at the weekend yeah right)
So I tried the doctors and after no answer I got hold of 111 and spoke to the NHS services and was told that they couldn’t help unless I was with him so I said I would go around straight away. Told Dick head to tell nurse if she called to call his number. Went to start my dads car which I now have as he can’t drive for a month so im using it to go back and forth to his place as mine is going to its final resting place in the week  *will try and actually blog about that when I get the chance) anyhoooooooooo insert severe swearing here  ******  Now in English…… it wouldn’t start so gave up and got in the landrover to drive over there.

Got to the old man’s let myself in and the bloody nurse had just called and she would be around in ten min’s well she actually took over an hour and half   and arrived about 1.15pm but when she got here she was great she took dressing off and its a lovely neat scar so should heal well and the stitches didn’t need trimming.  
I explained the problem about the discomfort he was in and the fact that he had not pee’d since friday morning and she said she was capable of putting in a catheter but couldn’t because she had to get an ok from the doctor so here was are….It’s Saturday and she has to get a doctor out  to put in a catheter to help relieve dad while they find out the problem. She said she would be back in a couple of hours as they had a doctor who works with the District Nurse…….  So we wait…………… and wait……….. and wait………… and wait……….. bearing in mind she said a couple of hours and that would be about 3.30pm  at 8.30 pm I am starting to get really fed up, My dad is really starting to be in pain now.. and yes my temper is starting to get a tad frayed….  And to top it off I have no idea who to call.. I tried the district nurses office and there was no answer……… so I called NHS 111 and after explaining the whole thing they said they would get a doctor out to put in the catheter but it would not be a priority….. and to remember its Saturday night and people do silly things….. so they are very very busy.   

At 10.30pm the Doctor turned up..
put a catheter  in and did a prostate examination as an enlarged prostate is 99% of the time the reason why you can’t pee guys! 
  (  There are some things in life I never wanted to see and both of these came under that heading)
funny-celebrity-pictures-what-has-been-seen-cannot-be-unseenAnyway  …………..  the
catheter that was used has a valve so it can be emptied. so to give you an shorted version of events  5 litres of pee into a bucket by the side of the bed later  I left and went home…….  one cup of coffee all day is not a good thing…………. So since then I have been spending most of the day running him around to various appointments.. cooking and cleaning for him and then getting home and doing the same thing here.

Yesterday (Friday) I exploded……. I woke up feeling like shit……. I have had a dry cough for the last few nights that’s been keeping me awake and friday like I said I woke up feeling like death warmed up.. I called my dad and said that as he had no appointments to go to..  that I wouldn’t be coming around today.. there was a cottage pie in his fridge that all he had to do was put in the oven.. I had typed out a list of the times when he had to take his bloods and pills etc so he only had to look at that to see when to take everything.  Told him I was going to have a lie in as I had been up about 6am all week .. This is the school break bty……..
(Again one day I may blog about other things going on.. Lets just say I have seen it before and yes if someone asked me I would say my dad has onset dementia now to top off everything else…….. I have noticed signs for a long time but probably just swept them out of my mind after spending years looking after my mum with it…….. I guess if I ignored it I thought it would go away.)
Monday I have to take him to the doctors for another appointment to find out when this catheter is due to be taken out on trial to see if he can go without it but already he has taken a liking to it as it means he doesn’t have to constantly pee all the time because of the water pills he is on for his heart, so I have a feeling that he would rather keep it… I of course have to do the cleaning of said thing  YUK!

Anyway I had a day off on Friday………….. and screamed an shouted at everyone… and cried… in fact I did a lot of crying.. I have hit the end of the road… I can’t look after one person all week and then come home and have to do everything.  The washing hadn’t been done since last weekend… the  sink was so full of dishes it was overflowing.. in fact the dishwasher still had the stuff in it I loaded into it last Monday night when I got back in from my dads.  The house was a tip… Thursday I had to take my dad shopping on his scooter as he wanted to get some bits so I left the house at 9am  Now there was some Dr Who thing on in town and the boys wanted to see it so we were going at 1.30pm   I said to Allan I would be back and we could take the boys…….  At 1pm I called Allan to say I would be on my way back. I had some shopping with me and then we would have to go straight up the town… I get back and he is still shouting at the boys to get ready.. Ali who doesn’t do getting rushed or things sprung on him had gone into meltdown and refused to do or go anywhere..

This is when I snapped…  He had done nothing all day… not even got the boys ready or warned Ali that we were going out.  There are three adults in the house and as I’m out that left two.. and neither had done anything… except maybe sit and watch tv or go on bloody facebook all the time.  And this is why I had snapped…  
so Friday my day off I had had enough.. right at that moment in time I could quite happily have left the house and jumped off a cliff………   

I wanted to see this Dr who stuff up the town so told Ali that we would be going out later on for an hour or so an if he was good he may get an ice cream out of it so he went upstairs and got dressed… Thats all it took.
Have I mentioned the fact that my dad called at 8am to ask what time I would be around!! what part of having a lie in did he not get… oh yes the same part of Im not coming around ..   

we went up the town… saw the exhibition things…  picked up some bits… got myself some medicine for the lurgy and some cough medicine and got Shelby a few clothes and came home as we also had to do the newspaper run in the evening in the scout van collecting newspapers down a number of roads.

Got back at 7-pm and decided that sandwiches, cake and doughnuts and chocolate while not heathy would be a good enough dinner for the kids.
pulled the sleep sofa out and watched tv before going to bed.  I had phoned dad to say I would pick him up when I got up as I was having a lie in and that Allan had to go out and do a bush tucker trial thing with a scout troop up bexon lane and he would be gone in the morning so I would come and pick dad up when Allan got back and that I would bring him back to my house so I could get on with some stuff……..  plus he needs a new bog standard mobile phone as his is apparently not working properly..  (I think its more the operator that the phone but I stand to be corrected if I’m wrong)

So here I am… updating this blog while I’m waiting for Allan to get back and I have already had three calls from dad asking why I am late………..  arrrrgghhh!!

What a Dick

Ok so my dad’s had his operation and I’m given all the paperwork at the hospital and he is being  discharged later on (Friday) and I have to go back to the hospital at 14.00hrs to pick him up . I have been into his doctors to let them know about his surgery and said I had a letter for the  nurse to deal with the wound check and dressing changes and was told that their practice nurse didn’t deal with things like that and to call the district nurse. I book him an appointment Monday at 16.30 for a prescription review as his blood sugars were dangerously low at the hospital and they thought he was on too high a dose of his medication.  I call and make arrangements for the district nurse to come out and check the dressing for him on Tuesday and also do the final stitches and wound check on the 14th.   Sorted! I go back to the hospital and pick him up, of the way back we stop off at home to have a cup of tea and he was given another letter saying about a dressing check on Sunday so I call them up to arrange a visit Sunday they will call me back to arrange what time they will come.  I give them his number to arrange it with him or me on my number if he’s still with me depending on how long we are before I take him home.
We have another tea and leave. I get to his flat and just get him settled in bed when the phone rings and its Allan the district nurse has said they can only come out on Sunday if he is housebound so he says oh he’s not so they now say they won’t come out at all. So I have to now take him to the local hospital to wait in a take a ticket system to get it checked. A pain but ok if I have to. Roll on to Saturday morning. I go around there and he is in a right mess. Because he hasn’t had his water pills and metformin (was told not to take them until the 6th) he feels like shit as his blood sugars are all over the place. He can’t pee properly but is constantly dribbling so Is soaked all time,  the pain has kicked in from the  operation now and the  tiredness and to top it off ,the dressing is now  starting to come off.
And of course It’s now the weekend and I can’t get hold of the district nurse to come out and check him. If Allan had kept his fucking  mouth shut and just said I was taking him home and to call at his place it would have been sorted. What a Dick for fuck sake if being disabled and hardly able to walk, diabetic, Unable to drive and just had major surgery doesn’t make you housebound I don’t know what does. In the meantime my dad is getting worse. I’m not even sure I can get him to the doctors Monday the state he  in, so am going to have to call the hospital back in the morning Sunday. Oh and what else makes Allan  a Dick is that he still arranged to have Shelby for the weekend  knowing my dad was going in for a major operation ,yes that is fine but he had a hike planned for Sunday as well  to help a scout leader and then offered on Friday after he was told I would now have to take my dad to the hospital to have dressing changed,  to drive the van and take another groups stuff up the campsite and unload and then drive it back to would be gone most of the day. And he didn’t see what was wrong and why I am not exactly happy until I pointed out I can’t be at home looking after three kids and at the old farts as well. He then sulks and says nothing he can do as he agreed Friday to do the hike and already said he would drive the van now on Sunday  and that he wanted to go.  Well a few choice words calling him a selfish cunt and telling him to pack and fuck off as I’ve now had enough of him putting what he wanted to do first all the time, seemed to promote a call to say he can’t come on Sunday and what do they say, family must come first. In the meantime now I’ve got to convince the district nurse to come out and explain that my partner is a complete twat and has no idea what the fuck he is talking about. Oh and to let my dad know that my brother texted me to see if op had been done yet (I left a message on his answer phone on Wednesday when we found out about the op but had not heard back at all )  and said he MAY give my dad a call in the next few days. Ever get the feeling you want to pick up a baseball bat and just swing it at certain people’s heads? I’m fucking drowning here.