Looking around this house and it’s messy…..again.
The party of summer is over, and the groove of school is upon us. we are in the the third week back now…
Anyways My house is a mess. A time-consuming, fixable mess that I resent having to clean.
Everywhere I look I see visual chaos – stacks of books on the landing, clothes that need to be folded and put away upstairs now I have brought them in from the washing line.
I have said it before but I fear that I am one pile away from being a guest star on Hoarders.
You may say I am slightly exaggerating . It really isn’t that bad but to me It is.
I spent hours cleaning, folding washing and feeling organised on the weekend only to turn around and find it messy again.
In fact yesterday I cleaned up again, but you wouldn’t know it today. There’s popcorn, paper, clothes and towels all over the floor and dishes to be done (I just loaded the dishwasher last night, how did they all get dirty again?).
I have bed wetting washing to do….Again (when will that ever end I have had all these kids and not one was a bed wetter until I had Ali, ). I have been told its a possibility because he is autistic… I know its not every night in fact its only once every couple of weeks, just when we think we have cracked it.. we get the accident, 😦
I really don’t want to do any of it and am feeling quite overwhelmed by the constant chores that seem to invade my life. I have Allan at home with me at the moment and yes he helps but not much… he will do an odd DIY job for me and then make twice as much mess as there was before, he never puts anything away… he will start big jobs like sorting all he books out on the shelves in our room… stack 100’s up on the landing to go into the loft and that’s as far as its got. Having a teenager girl… Well 20 next march is not much help either as she just makes more mess, I have never known anyone trash a bathroom like she can when she has a shower… she used soap… I mean WTF.. who uses soap nowadays?? we all use shower gel or bath cream but not her she uses soap and its always covered in hair. EWWWEEE!
I know how my parents felt now as she gets up, showers, goes out… (I used to work but she just goes out with friends and boyfriend) she comes in late at night and I’m talking 2 or 3 am and has her dinner.. I leave he’s in the microwave so at least I know she has eaten something. an old saying was brought to my attention the other day by a friend… “you treat this place like a hotel” I am now holding back from saying it as I remember my mother saying that to me.
Oh And then there is the washing just put by the machine for it to magically be done for her ready to wear next time. I can feel the annoyance kicking in and these feelings simmer within me as I attempt to clean and clear up and am continually met by extra demands of the boys, the man, the step daughter. I am desperately trying to stay calm and not take my annoyance out on the kids honest, but I feel my attempts becoming very strained. This anger and annoyance is sitting in my throat, just waiting to escape by way of yelling, slamming something down, or simply falling apart momentarily.
I’m hormonal after a fact in that I am nearly 50 but still not gone completely through the change.. (that’s not helping), I’m annoyed, I couldn’t be bothered and all I want to do is sit down with a cup of tea and watch a dvd or go on the pc and go on facebook, in the comfort of a nice clean house and no interruptions. In an ideal world we would win the lottery and I would have “Staff” clear up after everyone So what do I do? Firstly, stop. Right now, stop in my tracks, take a few deep breaths and reflect on what I’ve been thinking. Look at this opening paragraph. It is full of conversation that is in conflict with the reality of what is presently going on and the reality of life as a parent. It is this resistance of reality that is causing my stress and the simmering emotion of anger. Anger is caused because we enter into these conversations in our minds about how something shouldn’t be the way that it is. We are in conflict between what is and what we believe it ‘should’ be. The house is messy right now! This is reality. As part of the agreement made between me and my partner when he was in full time employment, and how we share the workload, I am responsible for the upkeep of the house, him the garden and the DIY jobs,
This is reality. The kids need me to help them with things. This is reality. As a mum there is lots of tasks that I need to do. This is reality. This is not the only part of my life. It is just parts of the goods and bads that come with everything in life. That is also reality. There is no point allowing myself to enter into conversations in my mind about how it should be different to the way that it is and how I don’t want to do it, because this is only going to cause me to feel angry and resentful. Do I really want to feel angry or resentful? Do I enjoy having these feeling? Of course not I love my boys more than anything in the world. So if the reality is that you have to do the housework and are regularly interrupted, how are you going to stop feeling angry or resentful? Change the way I think about it.
The first thing I need to do when I start to notice how bad I feel, is to shift my focus from what isn’t happening, to the reality of the situation, and then on to what I’m going to do about this new reality. So how can I look at this situation differently? What are the good aspects to my life that I can focus on? I get to be a stay at home mum. I have a partner who doesn’t care about a bit of mess here and there and doesn’t pressure me to keep it pristine clean. I have two healthy, happy boys. I am grateful that I even have so many things that it can make a house messy. I have a roof over my head. There was a time when I had the clothes I stood up in and nothing else.. I had lost the lot. This is good.
I can feel that heavy feeling in my body starting to lift. This part of my life is not the only part of my life. I went out the other day, I met up with friends for coffee, I had a bath the other night and relaxed, last night the kids were in bed early and I got to watch Master chef and the cupcake girls, sometimes my house is clean,
I always make sure I cook or provide a proper meal for the boys, that I am up to date with the washing so they wear clean clothes to school every day, I get quiet time 5 days a week when the kids are at school but then I have to go out, be it shopping or socialising. So what am I now going to do? Well because I changed my thinking to being back in alignment with reality and have consciously decided to look at the situation from a different more expanded perspective, I am now ready to tackle the reality of the messy house again.
Do I like it? No.
Am I going to all of a sudden love doing housework and chores? No. But I’m not feeling angry and overwhelmed by it. The house may be untidy at times, but then my boys are happy, we go out as a family, I get to see my friends, I don’t have to spend hours every day totally cleaning the house top to bottom because that is what is expected of me. I have stopped expecting it of myself. Yes it gets me down when the place looks like a bomb has hit it and no one does anything to the point where they would rather step over a book back or pair of shoes on the floor rather than pick it up.. ok in all fairness Allan does help out especially when I was ill. but then he is also guilty of making a lot of the mess.
Do I intend to spend my whole life picking up after them… NO… will I try to make time to tidy up when they are at school… Probably… Maybe……. It depends…
Now, time to stop writing and start cleaning! or I could just do something else!! I’ll get to it later.