my mind has had too much time on it’s hands since the boys have gone back to school, and when my mind has too much time on it’s hands it starts teaching me things. For instance,
I’ve learned that if I ever want to drive my other half certifiably insane, all I have to do is hide the remote control. And if he ever wants to drive me certifiably insane, alls he has to do is spend the whole day tearing the house apart searching for the remote control.
I’ve also learned that maybe there aren’t little elves who come out at night and hide all of our important papers and stuff. At least my other half’s s not buying that argument anymore. Not since he started digging through the rubbish looking for the remote control.
“I WOULD NEVER THROW THE REMOTE CONTROL AWAY!” I told him again and again.
To my credit, he didn’t find the remote control in the rubbish bin, he found it in between the cushions on the sofa. He did, however, find the lucky dip Lottery ticket for the next draw in the Rubbish, as well as a box of Migraleve I purchased not 3 hours earlier.
The same Migraleve I signed my name in blood for and swore on a stack of Holy Bibles in front of God and the chemist that I would not use for illegal purposes or take to many of them as I had already bought two boxes this week. (im stocking up because I can never find them when I do need them or I run out of the Yellow when I need Pink and vice versa)
It’s not illegal to throw Migraleve away, is it? If you do it by accident?
You’d think my mind would be sharper with so much time on it’s hands, but in my case, less truly is more when it comes to mind control.
Do you think I need a brain girdle? Seeing as how I doubt even I could buy one big enough for any other part of my body!
I had almost forgotten how much fun a Saturday night can be!!
Last Night was a real humdinger!!
Alex Shouted Downstairs about 9pm. We were watching tv we both fly upstairs to see what the matter is and He and goes: “I Feel Sick “ At which point he proceeds to Puke.. Thankfully I am behind Allan and miss most of the visual effect..
He does however put his hand in front of his mouth so it spatters out between his fingers as He sprays the wall with Puke, Including himself, His bed, The bed cover’s his Stuffed Teddy he got for Christmas, The Carpet and everything else in sight..
Now the joys of this is the fact that the boys share a bunk bed… Alex thankfully at the bottom and Ali on top.
After Alex covers the entire bottom half of the bunk beds and all its contents with entire (or so I thought) contents of his stomach, He proceeds to scream as loud as he can…
Ok no-one likes throwing up but is there any need to let the people in outer Mongolia know that you have puked your guts up!!
I shout to Allan to get a black sack , a towel and a bowl filled with soapy water up….
He immediately knows the drill… This is not a one-off occasion for Alex.. he suffers from Migraines and one of the side effects is they make him sick especially at night..
We actually have a system for this now.
I throw the towel at Alex who mops himself I tell him to go downstairs and start cleaning himself up while trying to whisper soothing noises to Ali to get him back to sleep.
I strip the bed and shove everything in the black sack teddies included, I proceed to start washing wall,s mattresses carpets, the lot.. then spray around room with Air freshener and Fabreeze
Let me kiss the person who invented that stuff, It’s great for getting the smell of Puke out from things like curtains.. and lampshades… don’t ask… I mean really don’t ask!!
I cannot abide puke in any shape of form I’m not as bad with baby milk puke but anything with lumps in sends me heaving. – I can swim in poo if I have to, but show me a speck of puke and I start to blubber like the village idiot and usually Throw up in the exact same spot.
This is the reason for the Black sack… Bedclothes.. which usually have all the lumpy bits are rolled in a ball and thrown in the black sack.. out of my sight ASAP…
Allan has removed the offending sack and taken it downstairs.. Showered Alex and got some clean pj’s while I remake the bed and get the extra duvet and pillows, out of the spare room
Ali has gone back to sleep, the room is de-puked and Child is all dressed anew, smelling mildly fresher.
When aiming Alex towards his bed this time – I decide to put a puke bowl on the bed next to him – well it is actually a salad bowl, but today it gets to be the puke bowl, should he need to throw up again.
I pack him off to bed, with a kiss on his forehead
I come downstairs and find the bed covers and everything emptied into the bath.. Allan assures me he is going to rinse off all the lumpy bit so I can get it all in the washing machine..
I shake off the splattered beloved teddy and get the damp smelly pillows.. (the pillow case caught the lumps) and get the first load of washing on..
Allan sits on sofa and promptly dozes off…
I play on pc while washing machine does the duty..
I hear another shout from upstairs after about two hours..
We have a repeat performance well not as bad at least this time the bowl catches everything but we still have the upset child, the wake Ali up so I have to sooth them both
empty said bowl and take it back to him, and they go back to sleep…
How can a kid contain so much puke??
Later on I go to bed, Now not sleeping for a couple of nights is taking its toll on me and Im actually feeling quite tired and feel that I can for once doze off..
Just before slumber appears, Alex Shouts again,, we have scene three (re-enacted, the same as scene two rather than any new features) … and pretty much goes through the same script, scene for scene. with a slight dribble this time down his PJ top so that is replaced by a T Shirt.
Allen is sleeping soundly.. never having rinsed lumps off… I go downstairs shake bits off the next load into the bath as quick as I can without heaving and shove it in the machine before I go back to bed.
I am now a bit less amused than I was the second time of awakening, and am tiring of the role I have been cast in.
Alex decides that scene four needs a go – this time before I had got myself into bed.
He manages to puke in the bowl but still dribbles loads down himself so I need to wash and change him again..
I must confess to losing out of the “Mum of the Year” Award at about this point. I knew I was totally out of the competition when I heard myself screaming “for fuck sake, could you just puke INSIDE the bowl this time!!”
once again I was emptying the puke bowl – and redressing and … well you know how it goes as I have already covered this section earlier.
But I learnt from experience, so I take Alex up two more bowls a puke towel and spare clothes and baby wipes and put them on the desk at the end of the room at the ready, And leave his bedroom door and mine wide open so I can hear him.
It is amazing the reflexes you possess – like crazy cat reflexes when a child bed starts making that whoooggghhhh-whoooggghhhh sound. I got in there like greased lightning and managed to shove the bowl under his face and catch every drop of puke… I’m actually feeling rather impressed with myself now… I’m not heaving… ok I admit we are dealing with fluid now and no lumps but nethertheless
Once he puked and we got that out-of-the-way, I figured there was two ways to go about this for the rest of the night..
I could either be up every 6 – 8 minutes with him retching and me holding the bowl or …. I could put the child on the sofa downstairs, with the puke towel and bowl and prop him up against me and sort of semi-sleep.
I went with that option as that way I could at least hope to get snippets of sleep.
I’ve developed the uncanny foresight of a seasoned mum and when he woke up for the last time, I grabbed the bowl and caught it all. No harm, no foul.
I have no problem comforting a sick child at night, but the issue is the next day, the other well child and my dad and Allan do not acknowledge that you have had about 30 minutes sleep and let you take it easy … unfortunately not.. I’m still expected to get all the washing done and of course cook sunday dinner and run around after them all making tea..
Alex on the other hand is fine… you wouldn’t think anything had been wrong with him during the night apart from the fact the was downstairs on the sofa so could watch his Alvin and the chipmunks DVD first thing.
Allan I may forgive for sleeping though the majority of the fun ….
If he gets my shed up today!!
So that is how I spend a Saturday night.
Gone are the days of clubbing.
I can’t say that we are partying like it’s 1999 or anything over here.
We like to stay up late here on the Funny Farm. It’s a bad habit, I know. Especially when the man of the house has to get up at 5:30 am
but in all honestly I sleep on average about 4 hours a night where Allan could sleep for England,
So last night After me having suffered that Migraine for a couple of days and at one point sleeping about 16 of the last 24 hours.
Tonight I suggested that he and I go to bed early. It was 10pm. We both had a few things to finish up before the evening was done, and I winked at him and said, “I’ll meet you in the bedroom at 10:30.” He grinned, arched his eyebrows, and said, “awright!”
So I headed toward the kitchen. To load the dishwasher and let the dog out.
One thing led to another and bearing in mind I am not the domestic goddess I thought it would make a change that we could both get up in the morning and drink our tea and coffee respectivly from a table not covered in clutter.. well actually from mugs from the table.. oh hell you know what I mean..
Anyway when I had finished I went upstairs.
I opened the door to the bedroom, and my eyes met darkness. Allan had turned off the light and gone to sleep. It was just after 11pm. The romance would have to wait for at least another day.
Sigh. At least Allan got to bed earlier than usual.
I have to confess I have turned the heating on again the last couple of days. its been really cold..
Alex off school today…….. kinda my mistake really… he’s had a sniffle and cough but not bad enough to keep him off school but today I over slept (another bad night so i didn’t get to sleep until late) anyway I didn’t wake up until nearly nine… I rushed in to get Alex up who preceded to have a major coughing fit and threw up…… problem solved keep him off for the day 🙂
Ali on the other hand has been a little sod today, caught him drawing on the walls with a crayon upstairs…. yes the newly painted walls…. told him off and he stood there saying i didn’t do it……. and that’s after I had caught him red handed lol kids eh….
the Iggy’s Viv is looking quite good now still a bit of work to do on it but it’s coming together quite well.. other than that not much happening at all the last few days….. didn’t even leave the house today…
Went out with my dad today for our usual Friday shop and lunch out…
I’m always amazed at how much Ali can tuck away on Fridays.. we have fish and chips in the cafe and Ali has an adult size cod and some chips with peas and beans and finishes the lot.
Alex has come home from school with a major migraine.. I’ve got him asleep on the sofa and will try and wake him up soon to see if he wants something to eat… although I doubt it as he never does usually.. then will get him to bed. I’m hoping he feels better tomorrow as Barbara (my mums sister) and Geoff are coming down from Morpeth to visit for the weekend they are staying with dad and we are all going out for a meal I’ve not seen them since mums funeral.