He is driving me crazy but Hey he’s my dad!

This last year or so My dad has become really quite frail for want of a better word.
He has always been obnoxious, bad-tempered, built like a brick shit house, but the one thing he never really has been is frail.

ok so he is 80 but up until last year he certainly had his wits about him, he certainly got about, lets face it we went to castles and all over the place with him, ok the steps to the tower at Dover castle where a bit of a challenge for him in the last couple of years so I have been the one to take the boys up to the top but other than that he has managed to get about fairly well,  That is up until about 9 months ago when we were at Hornbys taking the boys for one of their usual trips there and he had a bit of a wobble on with his legs..but then we had walked a long way that day as we had been somewhere else previous to that.
That was it.. he decided then his legs were packing up, within a few weeks decided that he would be better off in a wheel chair for any distances..  Yes we had one (which was my mums years ago when she broke her ankle) which we lent out to various people when ever they needed to borrow it, so we got it out and we used when we went out.. now he has always been big… 6ft 6 and big built so not an easy person to push around to say the least.  

Last year when we were booking up for Duxford airshow he decided he wanted to come with us and we warned him then it’s a huge place to go around.. 
He then decided that he would get himself a scooter to use as he was at the point now where he was using the ones in the supermarkets instead of walking, the furthest he walked was his flat to the car,  the car to our house, he got himself a scooter, not a lightweight one but the heavy-duty one, yes it comes apart in as far as the steering folds down and the seat comes off and folds down to fit in the boot of a big car or landrover but it weighs a tonne and is hard work putting together..  

And that’s it… everywhere we go he uses that now… even in the supermarkets that have their own because his is more comfortable,   Im really struggling to get it in and out of the car and sort it.  my back kills me and my elbow needs a support now as the slightest thing even lifting a kettle is now painful.

Anyway, my dad went to his doctors to get a repeat prescription for his diabetic medicine and I told him to mention that his legs had swelled up so they gave him more pills for that.   his doctor was away on new years eve and the doctor he saw immediately wanted him to go for an ECG and Chest xray.. (yes he has been puffing and panting when walking just to the car and back but we put that down to the fact that he has made himself bad now because the less he does for himself the less he can do)  he refused to go to the Main hospital at Medway because my mum passed away there due to negligence (proved)  so we called up Memorial the local cottage hospital and they said come along at 11.30am and he could get his xray done and then the ECG.. He wanted me to come with him so said he would come and get me and I could drive there , I told him to come around for about 10.30am and we could leave about 11am its only a ten min drive up the road.
what time does he turn up in the morning.  7.39 am of course we were still in bed… He actually had the hump because he had tried to ring since 6.30am… well we were asleep.  to say I was not impressed is an understatement.  Being full of cold I haven’t been sleeping well and not only that we didn’t go to bed until gone 2 in the morning.

Anyway we get up the hospital, they do the xray  results in 10 days.
we wait for the ECG as they don’t even start doing them until 12 noon.   got the results from that.. I take him and the results back to his doctors… he moans like hell about having to wait around all day to the receptionist.. saying they should do them from early in the morning.  Anyway the receptionist then says that the doctor is still away and for him to call back in a few days to make an appointment and she didn’t see what the rush was about to get the tests done straight away…  Hmmmm obviously she has more medical knowledge then the locum.
So here we are now waiting,  The one thing I did notice when he was having the tests done is how much weight he has lost… the skin is hanging off him… we have a friend who had a stomach op to lose weight and he has loads of lose skin well my dad looks like him, no wonder the old fart stinks so much with all those folds of skin.  it’s actually quite worrying. I know he eats hardly anything nowadays.. which is not good because he is diabetic. but then he did need to lose some weight but not loads like that..

He drives me up the wall turning up each day  especially early in the morning but then on the other hand He is getting older and with the exception of my brother.. who is a complete and utter selfish tosser who I have as little to do with as possible.. he is all the family I have now.

I’m seriously wondering now if he has lost the will to live as he just seems to fall asleep most of the time.. he also rambles.. now I watched my mum suffer from Alzheimer’s and she got to the point where she didn’t even know who I was. but she started off forgetting little things.. and he is like that now.. repeating himself again and again.. can remember things from years ago but forgets what he did yesterday.   Of course he wont hear a word about it..

Hmmmm Worried.Com

Dreaming of a tidal wave coming

I don’t often remember my dreams I think I have had about two or three I remember in the last couple of years. 

but last night I woken up by a scary dream around three in the morning.


We were at the seaside in some kind of holiday flats…

I remember vividly we were on the second floor facing a road on the other side of the road was the sea, outside the flat was patio doors which lead onto a communal balcony, the weather was beautiful that day. there was me and the boys , we were watching the sea when I noticed that it started getting a bit rough……

Then all I can do is describe it as a tidal wave appeared before us it went dark and as it got closer to the building I was the first one who saw the tidal wave at the window coming to our way so I warned the boys about it and told them to get into the back rooms, it got really dark just before the tidal wave splashed down. But for some reason, the tidal wave didn’t hit us, we were above it as it came down, the windows were splashed by the spray but the downstairs must have been totally under water and hit by it..

In the distance I saw another wave coming towards us only this time a much bigger one, We were so scared. I can still feel how scared I was leaning against the door holding it shut and the shouting at the boys to stay away..

We couldn’t do anything. All we could do then was scream and set ourselves ready for that ill-fated death just as it went that familiar dark I saw a man trying to get into our door, I felt if I opened it to him the water would come rushing in and drown us all so I kept pulling it shut sorry but my boys came first……..

The wave hit way above us but the windows held the water back… it was pitch black then after the dark and then got lighter… I could see through the window again there was nothing out there but sand on the balcony outside our door.. the waves got calmer and within a few mins the sun was shining and the sea was back to normal … all but the look of devastation around..

I remember staying in our flat for the rest of the day before we left and came out to the sea front to see the devastation of the building we were in… every balcony and room had their windows blown out except ours.. That was when I must have woken up I was in a hot sweat and lay there for about an hour afterwards… I can still remember every detail vividly ……… weird or what…..
I don’t know if it has anything to do with being ill at the moment or if something else has triggered it.


The Grim reaper was close by honest.

How can I feel so Ill that I felt like I was going to die last night 

I wouldn’t even go to bed on my own or stay downstairs on my own.

Allan kept saying while watching tv for me to go up and get in bed… 

 While I was lying on the sofa dozing on and off.

Then again later on when I said no I was going to bed he said ok then I will get the sleeping bag and sleep on the sofa…

Noooooooooooooooooo  I dont want to be on my own………. 

Seriously I swear In a dream I saw the Grim Reaper. It scared me so much I swear I honestly thought I was going to die which is weird as im not as Ill as I was a few years ago..

And today l feel kinda okish .
At least not totally ill one second freezing cold and shivering even with the heating on full and having a blanket   finally dozing off and then waking up and   burning up I had to stand outside in the back garden for a few mins

just to cool down … we then went to bed and I slept solidly until 7am

Now I’m just constantly tired, even getting up and making a cup of coffee is a major effort.. but at least got my hair sorted even  if it was a quick squirt on, rub around head and leave for half an hour then wash off home kit (I am not grey and I refuse to be grey) so I feel better after doing that  … but the rest of the day is chill day

And no I am not an attention seeking drama queen honest , I know these people who say they are really really ill and then you see them and they have a cough and a sniffle and beyond that are fine  they are just screaming for attention…. that is not me…

oh hang on… sod it……..  I feel like crap so everyone should know…… pmsl


Christmas Has Left the Building!


After a fun and food filled Christmas holiday with friends and family,


New years eve was spent with Allan’s family The nice normal ones on his dad’s side and not the Evil ones from the dark side…….. Ie… His Mother and Evil Sister……..


It was a great evening filled with laughter, food, and karaoke ….


Funny enough this is the first time we have been out and the boys haven’t wanted to leave early… they are loving spending time with their cousins…. I think we are really going to have to make an effort to have regular family get togethers….. They really do lack any family contact…… Ironic considering how many bothers and sisters they have… I know Alex knows he has older brothers and sisters but hasn’t actually asked about them but I can see it happening soon…….. Anyway… as I was saying… Christmas and New Years Eve and New Years Day are over now…..


The kids have a room full of rubbish and Now I need normality to prevail yet again..

As Normal as possible in this house.

I just needed the clutter and the chaos to be gone. Like that is ever going to happen but I live in hope.

Yes, the house is a mess but the kids are happy and everyone had a great time! well I hope they did.


Even though I do admit that the house was hardly like Santa’s grotto like it usually is In comparison to previous years, due to me not being well, it was quite minimalist without any big tree as I have said before….


ironically Now Christmas and New Years is over I actually feel ok, except maybe a little tired and the legs and hip are playing up but If I’m honest its the extra weight I have gained (yes I will do something about it soon)

and the cold damp weather oh and getting older that cause that.


I woke up this morning and thought Now it’s time to take the necessary steps in order to cure that Christmas Hangover of over eating, drinking and just excess of all that is good edible and yummy.

All I could think about is getting our house back in order after the craziness that was Christmas.

I just needed the clutter and the chaos to be gone. ok the Christmas Clutter and Chaos….


I did mention this to Allan and like a shot he was all for the idea……. By the afternoon there was not a decoration to be seen, Not only that everything was up in the loft again as well, Well everything but the Christmas door wreath which of course was out of sight out of mind…

But that will go in the loft up tomorrow.

I have never known him so keen to get up in the loft and put stuff up there… Usually I have to nag for weeks to get bits put away.


Problem is now I look at bare shelves and wonder what was actually there before……. Ok one shelf that is bear had a hamster cage but I’m not mentioning that incase the boys decide they want another one…

What I do have a strong compulsion to do is change the furniture about…… Now we don’t exactly have a lot of room to play with in the front room but even so I need to change things around… Years ago I was known for changing furniture around on a regular basis but with Ali the way he is I tend to leave things the way they are because he really hates change….. but the changes I have planned are small and I’m hoping that this time he wont kick off as much as he did last time I moved the front room about..


This year I want to de-clutter……… A friend is going to go up in the loft with Allan and de-clutter up there… I think even Allan is willing now to admit there is far too much junk up there…

Plus at some point we want to swap the boys and Amber’s rooms around… When the boys had the small room to sleep in and the big room was a play room and junk room and exercise room it was fine… but now Amber has the big room and the boys have to share the smallest room in the house and to be honest I don’t think that’s fair…… So the plan for future is move the boys bunk bed over and her bed in the small room… plus that way I never need to go in there as I have never known anyone make so much mess as she does.


once the kids rooms are done I want to do ours….. yes de-clutter there as well… and then we will work on downstairs……..


New Year New Start………..


I will probably be saying the same thing about moving bits around and sorting them out this time next year…….. The hoarder in me is slowly seeing the light, I so want to have a normal house like normal people instead of stuff everywhere……..


Now if Allan could be the same we would be well away…. My first treat to myself when I get the cash is some stair baskets to store bits in that end up being put on the stairs….

maybe once everything is de-cluttered we can actually get around to decorating… Of course finances allowing… because as usual, decorating and putting new carpet on the stairs etc cost money…… and with bills mounting up and the cost of everything doubling… finances are not stretching as far as they did before……

I have a feeling this year is going to be a hard year for all concerned… Especially us…..

But for now………. one day at a time…..



Stuffed to the Gills……………..

 Christmas  holidays excess……..

No Thanks, I’m Full. Really. In fact can I just have something like some ham salad hey if we can’t go healthy what about something simple like beans on toast….

I have eaten more comfort warming food like stews, cottage pies etc and rich foods in the past  three or four weeks or so, and I still have one or two  more days to go! New years day is always another huge roast with all the trimmings.

Between the holiday parties, cookies, chocolates, cake and rich foods that I normally do not eat, (seriously we don’t have this much rich and boozy food in our every day diet)

I feel bloated and toxic. Very toxic. More toxic than anything toxic you can think of.

my stomach is already on full alert. I already have a weight issue, and yes we have tried before and failed , we were not ready to diet yet, we never do start a diet for new years resolutions as they are doomed to fail from the start but after tonight, I am going on a full get rid of the toxins diet. (I have no real plan in mind except lots of water and healthier foods and go low fat). The cookies will be all gone, and the cupboards empty of anything that says “Merry Christmas”!


The joys of holiday living! Pass the Gaviscon !!

I am ready to start again and try to get on the path to a healthier lifestyle… I’m not mentioning the actual word diet because that will not happen for a while yet as Allan is not ready… but watch this space……..


The Night after the Day before, Aka Christmas Day.

We Finally had the long-awaited and craved for Chinese on Christmas Eve, One problem was, I am so full of lurge that I could hardly eat it… I swear there was enough left overs to feed another 4 people…..

The dogs Christmas presents today, were, a packet of treats each , Much appreciated from SS (Secret Santa) Then they had their squeaky toys…

No matter what toy Molly had Tealc’s sounded so much better to her… He on the other hand did what he does best when it comes to plastic squeaky toys… he demolished them in seconds flat to a pile of chewed bits in the bottom of his bed…….

And the pièce de résistance of the day for them both was of course… Chinese for Dinner… Lots of it..


On to the Christmas dinner……. Now For every year ever since I have been preparing a family Christmas dinner I have spent Christmas eve having a clean up and then once the kids have gone to bed popped the turkey in the oven and prepared all the veg… got all the presents all nice and ready for when the kids come down in the morning. Not this year… This year I have felt like death warmed up , Allan’s answer to everything is don’t worry we will sort it later…..

Also in the past its an unwritten house rule that Christmas dinner was always for 1pm but saying that because of the old man coming over That bit was changed to 3pm…

Plan’s never erm go to plan…….. we went to bed. and the only thing that got cleaned on Christmas eve was the cooker…. Nothing was prepared nothing was cooked in advance…

We set the alarms for 6am, Got up and then had a drink while we waited for the boys to come down… yes I did say waited for them to come down… WTF… I mean what normal kid is not awake at 4am dying to know if Santa had been………. Amber is dying to wake them up but eventually about 7.30am they come down and the present frenzy begins.

Rubbish bags at the ready to put all the wrapping paper in as they rip open everything with their names on it…..


Christmas dinner was almost great. My turkey was moist and tender. Everyone enjoyed the meal except for my dad who of course is a connoisseur of everything. He is a very picky eater and even buying the wrong brand of potato’s to roast can ruin the meal for him.

(oh Hang on that was last year….. actually where my dad is concerned it’s every year)

This year was different the turkey, was dry and over cooked and when it was taken out of the roasting pan, fell to pieces… the pork was over cooked and the crackling was like wood.. Yep the chef cooked the meat.. not me I hasten to add……

The lovely Vickie peeled the veg and dinner was finally served at 4pm to a hungry and in my dads case half pissed table of people…. I have to say this is the worst Christmas I have had in a long time in the way of being prepared….. Only the Christmas cake has been baked… I have not even done mince pies or anything….. No Yule log made… I really haven’t felt up to all the usual preparations.. In fact I haven’t even had a drink all day…..  A tee total Christmas day….  There is a first……


On the plus side the boys have loved their presents and that’s the most important thing.

I’m planning to do roast beef and roast pork rather than goose for New Years Day, mainly because I don’t like goose much, Fingers crossed that meal turns out better than today’s…..

And Now I am sitting here thinking its 365 days until Christmas


Being me, I want to get organised and, more importantly, start thinking about the things that I can do and buy well in advance so I don’t feel like it all hits me in one lump. (Both expenditure-wise and work-wise). And the whole process starts all over again.


We are still here and my son is 9


Yesterday was not only was  the prophesy of end of the world,  it was also Alex’s 9th Birthday.

He has been annoying the hell out of us playing his battle strikers and constantly has his new mp3 player stuck in his ears…

oh and we have been eating birthday cake. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm cake…….

I on the other hand am now full of man flu which is not good especially considering the time of the year…..

My wrapping fairy came round yesterday while the boys were at school so everything is wrapped and bagged and ready,

some presents have already been given out and under the receiving persons tree..

Again I went overboard on the boys presents…….. the problem with buying stuff throughout the year is you forget what you have got or how much

Every year I say I am going to make a list and keep a record of what I have got for everyone, I have even said I would wrap it all up as I go along… Maybe next year

After all i didn’t even have to buy wrapping paper as I got loads on sale last year so I could have wrapped throughout the year after all,

I will be more organised.. I will keep a list… but I do think the boys will be happy..  they have no idea what they get for Christmas, I don’t believe in making Christmas lists.

I’m a mum I am their mum, I know the type of stuff they like…   I don’t believe in spoiling them during the year… if we go to a museum or somewhere they get a little souvenir such as a pencil and rubber or badge or patch to go on their blanket..  they get one item for their birthday… this year Alex got two because usually we take them out on a trip for their birthday but we couldn’t on Alex’s this year as he had school, every year before they usually break up the day before…  so instead of having what it cost to go out.. he got the extra present..  what he doesn’t know is it didn’t cost the £28.99 that he saw in argos but the £8.99 we paid on Amazon..  In fact I confess I have done most of my christmas shopping from the internet throughout the year when I have seen some good deals.   Sorry high streets of the country..

Thanks to the 99p shop I have now got a nice new Christmas dinner service.. without having to use the paper plates I usually use….. this I can put away and it can be used year after year…..

As I type the boys are at the Christmas pantomime in the local theatre with the cubs and beavers… Allan has gone along as he is an Occasional Helper with the scouts… soon to be leader…… will go into more detail about that when I get the time as we are both helping out the beavers and cubs a lot now..
After the pantomime we are heading off to take the boys to see Santa……  hopefully pics to follow tomorrow if I have time to post just to really bore you all…….

Anyway…  Time for me to go and get ready and blow my streaming nose before Allan gets back.
Oh and one more thing……..

See I told you I knew that the world wasn’t going to end yesterday
After All, Marty McFly travelled to 2015 😉