Bonnie and Clyde Soulmates to their death

 

I would have loved the opportunity to spend time with these two characters, for at least a day. Can you believe today marks the 80th Anniversary of the day the two were ambushed! Where has time gone?

 

Wouldn’t you love the chance to hang with them?

What went on their heads?

Why did they go on the killing sprees they did?

Bonnie was so young!

How does a 23 year old become so infected with that much rage?

Of course, they did supply the nation with a lot of entertainment at a time when things were bad, real bad. Kind of like today. “They were front-page news, newsreel stars, heroes to those who hated banks and the government, institutions the young outlaws mocked.”

Kind of like today.

 

Outlaw soul mates Bonnie and Clyde, who disdain arrest and choose instead to die together in a hail of bullets.

 

Bonnie Parker seemed to know what fate awaited them. While the couple was on the run, she sent a poem to the media, which was printed across the country the next day and concluded with:

 

Some day they’ll go down together

they’ll bury them side by side.

To few it’ll be grief,

to the law a relief

but it’s death for Bonnie and Clyde.

 

Often when soul mates pass over to the other side, their bodies are buried side by side. However, this was not the case after the simultaneous deaths of Bonnie and Clyde, because Bonnie’s family refused to allow it. Sometimes, even soul mates can experience scorn and disapproval from those close to them, which makes immortality seem preferable.

Personally I think Bonnie knew that the only way they would ever be together forever was in spirit..  She knew that they disapproved of Clyde and she knew that if they were captured they would have been separated for as long as they both drew breath.
True love or utter madness.
Either way Soul mates until the end…
I used to think I had met my true soul mate. someone I would live and die for but now I wonder…

I wonder if I have met them and I wonder If I ever would.

 

 

Things can only get better… right?!

This has been kind of a rough week.  I have not been having the best of luck lately

Worst week of my life. & I feel like my blog is the only place I have to go to bitch about it I can set the odd pissed off status on facebook but at least here I get the chance to say how I really feel, Im not one for those dramatic woe is me status updates, In fact the one thing that annoys me more than anything else is the suicidal attention seeking updates you see on a regular basis on facebook.

I have one friend in particular who does this at least every couple of weeks, I even told him once if he is going to kill himself could he do it quietly as ive lost interest now… Then I hid him from my wall lol

anyway as this is a me me me post.. back to me:

I haven’t been this miserable in so long. All I’ve wanted to do all week is fall asleep & not wake up. not in the suicidal sense but in the I really cant face another shit day… I need some good days..

 

I really don’t understand what exactly the universe has against me this week, but damn. I could have honestly just lay in bed and waited for Monday, because this clearly wasn’t my week. Each day I have been trying to be positive and tell myself that tomorrow is a new day, but I’ve done that the past five days and it didn’t help at all.

Seriously. I can’t catch a fucking break.

Sometimes, I’m tempted to remain stubborn and keep my mess close to heart. Not to say a word to a soul, Because I’m losing that feeling in my gut that soothes my dismal existence.

Because I want to hold onto something familiar despite thorns and sharp teeth.

Because nothing feels right and everything feels wrong.Even these words. Cluttered. Ambiguous. Cold. Distant. Inarticulate. 

Because it’s an endless cycle that’s left me reeling, violently grappling for steady ground.I feel nauseated with the business of arranging letters and organizing stuff Such a tiring affair. I’m drained

and I fear it’s beyond rejuvenation

Askayridnfweoitpqwnqlwiryhodadjfpweotubnaifwuyevfclahsdiuerktkfjkoiyiujbdjwtyquevmcnbvgczfhjsfpoiuytebnasdmnjhkfdfssasidyensnbcviwtybzjalairuepoowdfbkjdbcdwe!!!!!

It’s the closest I can get to having a good scream!!!!

 

What has put me in this down side you are probably wondering… well its a catalogue of things really.

I’m getting so frustrated with everything and everyone in my life lately. Obviously having read my blog about my step daughter you can see that this is getting me down big time… Allan is great don’t get me wrong.. I cant fault him, he is backing me up 100%… He is on her case constantly now.. to the point where despite the fact that she is driving me mad I’m starting to feel sorry for her… WTF??!!

 

Last weekend I was talking to my soulmate we were having a really in-depth chat which always brings me “up” and then I don’t hear from him this week, yes I know he is probably busy but still a simple hi wouldn’t hurt… ok yes he hasn’t been on facebook at all so its not just me he is ignoring. but still its the start of things going downhill as im wondering if I have done or said something wrong!

Ali Not being well also drained me… staying up with him one night and since then lying in bed listening to him cough all night and that paranoid checking on him in the middle of the night is taking its toll.. I feel exhausted… I cant sleep… even silly things are keeping me awake…

Procrastination is my middle name but then I lie awake thinking I must get that form off to the electoral roll for amber living here… I must go and pay that library fine I owe for over due books… I must return the meter reading form for the electric… I must contact the water board over the last bill before we went onto the water meter as there is a discrepancy… I never seem to get round to remembering these things in the day time but at 4am… they are top of the list of things on my mind.

 

The biggest cock up I had this last week was I lost my purse on Friday… .. I went to the chip shop to be honest in a lousy mood because of amber and something she had done that had peeved me. I got back home and Allan was clearing up Ali and changing him as the antibiotics he was given for his chest have given him the runs… and im looking for clean pants and towels etc while trying to dish the chips up to go with the pies I had in the oven cooking…

Now usually I always keep my purse in my bag and take my bag but as it was only going to the chippie in the car i just put my phone and purse in my pocket… I went I got to the chip shop I ordered a large chips and paid….

I remember getting home to the drama… that’s it.

Saturday I was making spag bol and I said to Allan we may need some onions… I went to get my purse from the side where the car keys were and my phone had been the night before as that’s where I thought I had put it and its gone… Allan had bowls so we both looked before he left and while he was gone I looked… I even searched through the bin in case I put it on the cooker top and it had been thrown away with the rubbish..

 

The problem is I had every spare penny we had in it… I had the gas bill money along with the gas card… I had the membership cards for us all for the swallows leisure centre and I had the bank debit card and a credit card in it… plus some other bits that I cant remember at the moment… I have another purse I keep all the cards in and just put in the ones I use at the time in my little purse.. so at least I haven’t lost driving licences and national insurance card etc

But its a big piss off all the same… thankfully we do on-line banking and Allan has another account so with the exception of the cash in the bank for direct debits i transferred everything over to that card so I can at least draw some cash out should I need to..

the credit card was maxed so that’s safe…….

we contacted the bank and credit card and they are sending out replacements.

I will contact the leisure centre tomorrow…

plus I will go to the chip shop and see if I left it in there while I was sitting waiting.. I’m not holding my breath of anyone handing it in not with the cash in it …

 

cards can be sorted but the cash we cant replace and to be honest we are skint at the moment anyway. so not sure what im going to do this week.. I need to top my phone up soon and cant even do that now… which kinda pisses me off….

 

I have a headache which has lasted the last two days and i mean big headache… we went out today to the Dover transport museum and instead of enjoying looking around I just had that thumping and feeling sick.

 

The boys are in bed now ready for school tomorrow and I have just remembered neither of them has done their home learning so wont be able to hand that in either.

Im tired I want to go to bed but cant face it yet..

 

so yes I have had a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week what ever way you want to describe it.

 

Murphy’s law states that anything that can go wrong will go wrong, and if you can’t see anything that could go wrong then you’ve obviously overlooked something.  Well I don’t think Murphy overlooked anything in our house this week. 

Things can only get better… right?!

 

The words of that song go round and round in my head.

 

I’m trying to be optimistic and really hope things can only get better!!

 

 

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The Strangest Things Bring Up Old Memories

The Strangest Things Bring Up Old Memories especially when you see a picture posted on facebook or a saying. I saw today a page that had this status:

 

Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.

 

Love memories can linger in our minds for years, and we all want to burn and discard painful memories so we can forget all about them but the problem is when someone else burns the good memories..

 

I have been in love a few times in my life. My first and really only true love was the most painful. Painful because it was my stupidity and my fault it ended, and is the one that comes to my mind the most. In fact its the only one that comes to my really.

 

It comes to my mind, not out of regret or hate, but because I have no physical, materialistic, love memories of that relationship. I have no cards, no dried flowers, no love notes and no photographs. I have nothing off all the letters that were sent to me, Apart from the fact that we are still friends and soulmates as such and apparently according to him always will be.

I have nothing of our time together.

 

I did keep everything I even kept diaries from when I was 11 right up until I was about 22.

they all went up in the loft at my parents house along with photo albums of my childhood etc. Sadly when my parents were abroad and I was living in their house with my husband, while I was out one day with the three youngest at the time, he went up in the loft to be nosy and if I’m honest probably to find something to sell 😦 and collected all of my saved old love letters, gifts, notes and photos and made a bonfire out of it. He burnt everything he could find of my life before him… While I can understand to a certain extent his loathing of the fact that I had kept something of someone before him, I felt violated, He had no right, it was my property, it was not for his eye’s or anyone else’s … but then this is the man who destroyed anything to do with my family, even old photo’s of my parents.. after all this was their attic. He just assumed everything was mine.

Years have passed and especially since I split with my husband (its been over 12 years or so now)

I missed reading my first loves old love letters and his cards for a while, and after a few years, I almost forgot how he looked. I could remember him, of course, but it was just a vague memory.

 

The problem with me was that I had always been worrying so much about finding the perfect one, the one that matched up to my first love, that I had forgotten all about the experiences I’ve had on the journey. I can remember my first love, boyfriend sending me a mushy love letter after I had left for America, we wrote to each other all the time, the worst thing is I can’t remember what it said. I only wish I still had it.

 

When I put a profile on friends reunited he contacted me, we spoke briefly on the phone and from then on we were in contact via facebook.

Things were different. We spoke like old friends and it was good. No ill feelings and no rift. I again had contact with him after 2 decades. To me contacting him felt like bumping into someone for the first time. I couldn’t recollect too many love memories of ‘us’, together on dates apart from maybe a trip to the cinema to see Rocky III, though he did remind me of a few incidents and old love letters. We were kids we hung around in groups, went to the pub with friends, I just cant recall the us time (well of course I remember moments )

 

He has said he still had my old love letters and love notes from when I was abroad and pictures of me, even despite the fact that he had married. I bet his wife loved that,

That thought didn’t make me feel warm or fuzzy inside, it made me feel foolish and stupid. He had treasured those years as a memory and He could recollect all of them, and laugh about it. I wished I could have turned back time, and I even wondered if I could ask Him for a photocopy of our old love letters! But that would be the most stupid thing to ask for sure. I had lost my love memories, sure, but not my mind thankfully. We are now in contact when ever we want. Like I said we are both on that infamous site facebook… He is on every account I have ever had… all three My main one, which I use all the time, My account that I originally had with over 3000 people on it which I opened when facebook had not long been going and you needed loads of people to play games, I deactivated that a long time ago and moved close friends and family etc. and people I wanted to keep in contact with to another account which is my main account now lol

I now even have an account now with just him and Vickie on it… (I opened it when I had to deactivate my main account for a few days just to remain Admin of some groups about a week ago) and then decided to keep it open just for a private chat and when I don’t want to get sucked into the whole facebook thing… its a private one.. as far as Allan is concerned its deactivated now.

 

If only I knew back then, about how I would feel now, maybe I would never have left those letters and stuff up in the attic where anyone could find them and my ex would never have burned the stack of old love letters and cards and no doubt done the tribal dance around them.

 

Perhaps, I would have been able to chat with my first love and talked about memories that I found funny too, memories of what we had written to each other. That would have been nice. But now, that’s history.

But the only thing that rubs it in is the fact that I don’t remember important things like dates of my first kiss, my first date, and my first love letter in my life. All that was written in my diary, If only I had those love letters and kept those love memories in a corner of the attic hidden away, I could have read them all over again and remembered what a smooth talker and writer he was, even when we were young!

Bearing in mind we had been writing to each other since we were about 11,

to be honest after everything I did to hurt him I’m surprised he even talks to me.

And yet he still says.. (Although no doubt a few drinks gave him some courage)

 

He will always love me and I will always be perfect and his Soulmate

Don’t you ever regret knowing someone in your life, good people will give you happiness, bad people will give you experience, while the worst people will give you a lesson and the best people will always give you

Memories

A friend with benefits

 

I could have a friend with benefits,

Whom off and on I see.

While I could use him to get my kicks,

He could also uses me.

 He’s not my boyfriend, just a friend

With whom I could have some sex.

Too old to love or so he says

he wont get hurt again,

he can never face the loss of someone

He will never whisper my name.

I could just play the game

And wonder what comes next.

 We have known each other for eternity

but can never let others know

we could sneak secret moments

but where would be go.

 Again I have a family and yes so does he

but we are soul mates we always have been

and yes no doubt will always be.

 In my dream of dreams I wish I could

but I could never break my boys hearts

I could never risk my life as it is.

 He says we could be friends with benefits

we could be together Again…

But this time there would be

No ties, No bonds, No pain.

 Our memories of how good it once was

are faded through the years.

I am no longer that young slim girl

the one he held so close

 I am not what he is remembering

More like someone all fat and gross

I feel we cant rekindle the fire we

once had so strong.. 😦

 I could have a friend with benefits,

Whom off and on I see.

While I could use him to get my kicks,

He could also uses me.

 Yet somehow, somewhere even we

Still know we yearn for love,

And wait like withered stalks to feel

That wind within us move

 We could be friends with benefits

But I don’t Know if I ever could!

You need to know that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,
I know I don’t always show it but the moment you came into my life it changed, for the better.

I have this amazing person, my soulmate who I care for even more than myself,
Who I would do anything in the world for in my life, I will never let you go for you’ve become my life

 You’ve taught me how to love, shown me what a bestfriend is.

And how lucky I am to have such a special person.

 Please promise me, that you will never give up on us.

No matter what obstacles we’ll face in this life that’s ahead of us

I know we will be friends and soulmates forever.  Dare we do anything to risk it.

 Some say first love never lasts, but it fact it never dies. I want to always have our friendship

 I love you to the sun and back, forever.

But I have to say you may be my soulmate but I’m not in love with you…

I guess for me to do what I did, How I treated you so badly, I never was, how could I be?…

But a life without you I could never imagine I need you there to talk to, I need your friendship forever…

you have been a part of my life for eternity

we have had our share of up’s and downs, of heart ache and pain.

 You have lost your one true real love…

I could never replace her… I never would try…….

I never could relieve the pain.

 We could be friends with benefits

But I don’t know if I ever could

We could be friends with benefits

But I don’t know If I ever would!.

 

You have heard of video killed the radio start well I was thinking has technology killed the letter.

You have heard of video killed the radio start well I was thinking has technology killed the letter.

Alas, the love letter is no more – killed by email, Facebook, Twitter and text!

Not that I ever got any love letters 😦

I had letters from Friends when I was living in the states sent by snail mail but not what you would call a love letter as such… In someone declaring their undying love for you.

Well at least I don’t remember getting one……  😕

Throughout history young lovers have expressed their never ending love to each other via the letter… from the age of puppy love and notes passed via friends to young lovers separated and posting and receiving them… how many people remember getting a letter with SWALK written on the back. How many would understand what it actually means nowadays…

I kinda feel sorry for the younger generation now…

A hand written letter is so much more personal than a text or a quick message on facebook..

Life is Good!!

But the main problem is there is Not Enough Hours in a Day

Life is overflowing with things to do & challenges to distract me. I am finally learning that I can’t DO it ALL….do what I CAN; not worry about the rest!! There will NEVER be enough hours in a day otherwise.

 One year ago, I was in a whole different place, not a good place. A very sad, kicked in the gut place…
A confusing place where memories had taken over reality and real life… 

 All I can say is, “WHAT a difference a year makes! !” I don’t often admit this but I have An awesome man who loves me and will do anything for me, Within reason come one the guy was brought up in a house with three women so is still a little subdued and tame when it comes to erm certain things but I’m still working on total corruption:evil:
I’m helped by some fantastically supportive friends and family, two fun-loving kids and I have had a dream-come-true of a year! I have finally found the magic of christmas and love again…I had lost my way for a long time.

Sure there have been a few tough spots to work through (mostly within myself), but overall, those don’t even scratch the surface of how fucking happy I am! Can’t even explain how loved I feel…without a doubt!

Life has taken a turn for the better..Despite the lack of shall we say intimacy but then since I have been ill it’s not just one-sided that things have taken a back burner…. maybe I will explain in another post!!

May it continue in 2012

I Hurt You, You Hurt me .. Are we even Now?

You know when some people say no matter what they will always be your friend, Always love you  Blah Blah Blah..
I often wonder if they are talking bollocks!!

You see, Acknowledgement once a year would be nice at least..
You’re safe you know, I don’t want you to declare your undivided love or you ask me to Marry you.

I don’t want anything from you except just a simple Happy Birthday from an old Friend once a year,

Is that really asking too much?? 😥


I know I hurt you and Yes I am sorry but this is the second year running now you havent said a word… 

Are we even now? 😥